


Diva

by KurtsAnatomy (TheSwanOfWinterfell)



Category: Glee
Genre: BAMF Kurt, Cheerio Kurt, Diva Kurt, M/M, sassy Kurt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-07
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2018-04-30 11:03:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 32,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5161355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSwanOfWinterfell/pseuds/KurtsAnatomy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt Hummel is a diva and, sometimes, he's definitely not hesitant to show it. </p><p>One-shots in which Kurt Elizabeth Hummel is not afraid to say what he thinks...with hilarious, scary and badass results. With occasional help from the Cheerios and sometimes Sam, Kurt takes everyone down, leaving nothing left in his wake.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Pizza

It was a day for celebration in the Hummel-Hudson household.

The family had been a cohesive unit for a year now and they thought that instead of Burt and Carole going to some fancy restaurant, they would celebrate the way they started out as a family. With takeout and a good movie. Unfortunately, for a family as different as them, even something as trivial as this could not end well. In their house, they (read: Kurt) had devised a schedule in which each member of the family would hold the rights to certain family privileges on certain days of the week. After his return from Dalton Academy, Kurt had constructed a laminated version of this schedule and demanded that ("in order to maintain a correct family dynamic") they stick to it. Whenever they had takeout, there was a weekly timetable in order to determine who selected their destination. There was a chart for who was the picker of the movie that they all had to sit down and watch together. There was the dishwasher and the dryer and, finally, the special VIP member that week who could choose a dessert that Kurt would have to make for them.

And sometimes, just sometimes, the stars and the planet would align and, just to make everything so much more difficult for the clan, the schedule would read like this:

**Takeout: Finn**

**Movie: Kurt**

**Dishwasher and Dryer: Burt and Carole**

**Dessert: Kurt**

Burt and Carole had protested initially when the schedule had been read out. Burt simply didn't want to watch another one of Kurt's old movies and Carole resented the times she had been forced to eat one of Finn's takeout choices. She could still feel the grease on her skin. But nobody protested against the choices more than Kurt himself.

Finn had been ecstatic when he had seen that it was his turn to pick the food but he also feared for his life.

It had been Kurt that perused the fridge and saw how the chart had aligned this week. It had been Kurt who had let rip an almighty tirade of crass insults towards Finn and, of course, it had been Kurt who refused to eat. Carole had tried to mitigate the destruction by reminding Kurt that he could always "atone for the grease by making one hell of a healthy dessert" but Kurt had shaken his head and glared at Finn. Finn had tried to excuse himself by stating that Kurt been the one who had installed the schedule into their lives but that had just gained him another insult. Burt stayed (wisely) silent throughout the entire exchange, not wanting to unleash to wrath of Kurt unto himself because that was as crazy as telling Sue Sylvester that you couldn't attend Cheerios practice.

"So, Finn", Kurt had said through gritted teeth, "where would you like to order from?" Finn had grinned widely before saying the one word that would make Kurt's head explode and eyes pop out of their sockets before scowling.

"Domino's."

Burt was resigned to shaking his head and silently whispering prayers up to the sky, hoping God could tame Kurt's wrath.

The number one rule of the food choice was that the person responsible could choose what type of food everybody had but they could pick their own toppings if necessary. However, there was a get-out clause. Three months ago, Kurt had made them a healthy meal of some French crap that Finn had no idea how to say and Kurt had told them to 'go crazy' in personalising it. So Finn, as ballsy as ever, had taken out the hot sauce from the cupboard and, before Kurt could protest, drenching his whatever-it-was with the condiment. Kurt was seething. He demanded that Finn be taught a lesson in eating proper meals with hot sauce but Burt had advised him to eat his own meal. Finn had found the mixture lovely with the addition of his condiment, to the displeasure of Kurt, but Carole had asked Kurt to swap Finn's meal with the leftovers so Finn could enjoy the meal. Kurt had gotten exactly what he had wanted, but Finn was allowed to do the same. That meant that Finn could pick Kurt's toppings. He didn't have to like it so, as long as it wasn't anchovies which everyone had agreed that should have never been put on pizza, Finn could choose as a surprise.

Finn logged onto the website and started choosing the orders. Burt had gotten a substantial tip from a mall tycoon of $250, so Finn started piling on the toppings until the maximum limit was reached. Finn created his own large pizza and topped it with pepperoni, bacon rashers, chorizo sausage and pork meatballs, doubling everything for the maximum effect. Carole had chosen a simple ham and pineapple pizza, a small because she was trying to minimise the weight put on to maybe calm Kurt a little. Burt had gotten the same as Finn and then it was time for Kurt's surprise to unfold. Kurt had insisted on healthy options but Finn had another idea.

Clicking the same pizza that Finn and Burt had chosen, Finn clicked 'order' and waited for the surprise.

When Kurt actually opened his pizza, however, Finn regretted his decision.

"Finn," Kurt regarded him calmly, "would you mind edifying me on what crazy Neanderthal attitude that one would have to be a victim of would even remotely inspire you to assemble to most greasy, disgusting heap of ingredients that only somebody as gross as you would attempt to call a passable excuse for food?"

Burt and Carole rolled their eyes. Here we go…

"Dude come on, it's delicious." Finn tried, regarding his own pizza with a hungry grin. Kurt sighed.

"I can only assume that this is what the inside of your stomach closely resembles. This does not look delicious in any plausible way but it rather looks like something that you would find festering in a room full of disease-ridden trolls when they've projectile vomited everywhere and their rotting brains are convincing them that it would be a good idea to pick each other's noses. This is not food, Finn Hudson and I vehemently refuse to even put one slice of this slop into my mouth lest I come down with some affliction that can only be considered deadly and highly damaging for my perfected complexion. So have fun sluggishly inhaling your infected rat carcass, but just wait until it's my next turn. I am going to concoct a meal so healthy that you won't eat for the entire night."

Burt's eyes bulged. Wow, that was one hell of a speech.

"Kurt. It's pizza. You like pizza." Finn debated. Carole winced. Finn should know better than to debate with an angry Kurt.

"I like pizza when it doesn't look like it's been rained on by a heavy stream of over-processed slop. I like pizza when I can make my own using my basil pesto sauce and a matzo crust and when I can include some zucchini or some cauliflower. This is _not_ pizza. It's dung. It's more akin to some plant fertiliser than it is pizza. So next time you want to waste what I can assume is twenty dollars on this sure fire scheme to force me to break into hives, rethink your life choices and maybe splash out on something that doesn't look like it's been left to rot for centuries." And with that, Kurt fled the room, presumably to eat something heart-healthy and slimming.

Carole looked down at her own pizza, rethinking her own choices and replaying every valid point that Kurt presented to them all. She shut her lid, putting her pizza to the side.

"Good choice, Carole." Kurt shouted from the kitchen. How? How had he known that she would close the box as the other two men shovelled the pizza into their mouths, making quick work of it?

Then she realised that Kurt was one of those extremely observant ninja people.

"Finn, please chew your food." He added, knowing without even hearing that Finn was biting and swallowing, his teeth sitting idly by whilst the pizza sailed down his throat. How he hadn't choked yet was beyond everyone.

It was their family night and others would have said it was ruined by the lecture, Carole had only seen it as evidence that, as dysfunctional as their family was, it worked. They worked.


	2. Gaga vs. Perry

Everyone who was anyone knew that Kurt Hummel was fabulously obsessed with Lady Gaga. Everyone who was anyone knew that Blaine Anderson was fabulously obsessed with Katy Perry. Everyone who was anyone knew just how heated the arguments between them could become. They loved each other, but despised each other's love for their favourite pop singers of the 21st century. They had recently settled the Cher vs Madonna debate, where Blaine conceded that Madonna's star power and stage presence vastly outdid that of his favourite diva, Cher. They could both agree on the superiority of Beyoncé to most other singers, but they were still adamant that Lady Gaga and Katy Perry respectively were better. When Blaine had transferred to McKinley, the members of the New Directions would sometimes just sit there, silently rooting for their preferred musical icon. Santana, Brittany, Sugar, Sam, Mercedes, Tina all rooted for Gaga and everybody else preferred Katy. The numbers were irrelevant to the argument, however, as Kurt's fierce stance on modern day music trumped everything and everyone. Blaine fought back valiantly, bless his soul, but he could not even nearly hold a candle to Kurt's opinions.

Mr Schuester had walked in on one of these legendary arguments that had stemmed from his idea to do Gaga at Nationals. Kurt had clapped so enthusiastically that Mr Schuester had placed him in with the Troubletones for the number and had made _Edge of Glory_ a duet between he and Santana. Their voices worked epically on the song, but Blaine had been looked sour even since the announcement. He was happy that Kurt was getting featured at Nationals, but he was going to petition that they tackle Katy instead until Kurt stopped him.

"Hold it right there, Frodo," Kurt teased. Kurt and Blaine had a thing in their relationship where they were allowed to call each other names and tease each other because in the end, they knew their love for each other massively outdid their arguments. "If you even think for a second that a mediocre number from everyone's least favourite Katy is a fit for Nationals, you are seriously bordering on delusional. I think I need to take you to the nearest neurologist for a brain scan because you are sounding really crazy right now."

"Kurt, Katy Perry has some amazing numbers that could easily be tackled with this group at Nationals. I mean, if Rachel wasn't singing Celine for her solo, she would smash _Pearl_ right out of the park. And E.T would be a perfect group number." Rachel preened at his comment. Kurt's glare wiped the smile from her face.

Kurt looked like somebody had just spat on his new Alexander McQueen.

"Oh wait, you're serious. Oh. Then you _are_ delusional. Have you had a recent head injury? I told you that you needed to switch to organic hair gels. Listen up, Quid Pro Quo, Lady Gaga practically wrote her songs for show choir group numbers. We did _Bad Romance_ two years ago with Santana, Mercedes, Tina, Quinn and I on lead vocal and we smashed it. We totally should've done it at Regionals if Mr Schuester wasn't as trapped in the 80's as the Beastie Boys. We would've won. _Edge of Glory_ sounds amazing with La Lopez and myself. If I was given Rachel's solo, no don't worry Rachel you can have your solo, I would absolutely murder _Speechless_ in the best way possible. Just Dance, Poker Face, Love Game, Hair, Paparazzi, Bloody Mary. Songs that would fit our voices and showcase dancing talent as well. Mike and Brittany choreographing a routine to Heavy Metal Lover is something that I need to see before my fabulous ass leaves this world. It is not anybody's fault but her own that Katy Perry has as much dancing talent as Finn, sorry Finn, but it just ensures that her music should never be touched at competition. Journey. Queen. Michael Jackson. The Rolling Stones. We and Vocal Adrenaline have performed their music at a competition. They were a hit. If we went out onto that stage and sang Last Friday Night at Nationals, people would throw their children at us. So please think about what you're saying Blaine, or I may have to slap you." Kurt neatened his hair and waited for everyone to compute the lengthy speech he had just given.

"Show choir aside, though, Katy Perry is better." Blaine tried weakly. Santana was smirking.

"Oh please, Blaine, she can't even sing live." Blaine gasped at that. The worst insult somebody could ever give to a professional recording artist. "Lip syncing is something that Gaga refuses to do, but Katy Perry will actively indulge in. It's not a good habit, Blainey." Kurt said, condescendence lacing his voice.

"As least Katy Perry doesn't need her costumes to put on a show."

"Can we recall the shockingly directed California Gurls, with the unfortunate misspelling of such a simple noun for no effect whatsoever for a moment? In that, she exposes her breasts in an indecent manner and shoots whipped cream out of the bottles placed on her bosoms to closely resemble Madonna's famous cone bra look. Lady Gaga has since taken inspiration from a classic look and redeemed it, shooting fire and fireworks from it, instead Katy Perry uses such a timeless, effective fashion statement to distribute dairy products. What kind of performer does that? To ruin such a legacy set by two of the world's most iconic boundary-pushers is a travesty of international proportions and I'm this close to having Coach Sylvester make a call to her various contacts and organise a national ban on Katy Perry's music for daring to make such a tacky fashion risk, which did not pay off, by the way." Blaine looked defeated.

Game, set and match to Kurt Hummel.

"I still don't think Gaga is better than Katy, but I'll concede that Gaga is more innovative. There, are you happy now?"

"Oh, Blaine, I won't be happy until Katy Perry retires from music, but I'm content. Thank you baby for seeing the way of the wise. Now, shall we practice for Nationals?" Kurt kissed his doting boyfriend and jumped up from his chair, pulling Santana to the front of the room to go over their Gaga number. Once again, Kurt Hummel had triumphed.

As Mr Schuester prepared to watch and critique Kurt and Santana's number, he thought back to what Kurt said.

"I'm not stuck in the 80's." He muttered as the Troubletones started the backing accompaniment.


	3. Hate Speech

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt goes off on the jocks because...well, because he can. He's Kurt Hummel.
> 
> Plus Santana, because awesome.

Kurt had had _enough_.

He hated the way that he was treated just for being himself. What was he supposed to do? Recreate the dreaded Mellencamp look and date the entire cheerleading squad (minus the guys) and become top stud of McKinley just so some homophobes weren't offended by him?

Well he was _done_.

He vowed to stick it to the next person who challenged him in any sort of homophobic way. He had a hell of a lot to say and nothing left to lose. He was at the end of his tether and if Azimio Adams decided to call him a 'fairy' before slamming him into a locker, then he would rant at him. But obviously, it was David Karofsky who had to push him across the line. Well, the entire football team was there, sans the Glee guys who were at Booty Camp. Kurt had been excused since he had come out of his shell and proved his competent dance ability. Mike had been shocked, Brittany not so much since they had attended the same ballet class together up until the start of high school.

"Fag." Karofsky spat as Kurt flew into the dumpster. Before they could leave, he clambered out with so much resilience and clenched his fists.

"What the fuck is your deal, Karofsky?" He yelled, causing the whole team to turn around.

"In case I haven't made it clear, Hummel, you're my problem. You think you can just spread your disgusting little disease across this school but you just want us to catch the gay." Karofsky countered.

"You know what, _Karofsky_ ; I am sick and tired of being called a disease. Homosexuality is not contagious, you little shit. I am well aware that I am the only gay kid at this school, well at least the only one brave enough to come out and be who I am. You and all of your cronies would never understand something as simple as individuality because I'm pretty sure you would spend half of your time in the English classroom just learning how to spell the word. By the time senior year rolls around, I'll be getting ready to graduate with a 4.0 GPA average and a successful audition to Julliard, one of the premier performing arts school in the world. And where will most of you be? Right here. In Lima, this inconsequential cow town which spawns just as many ignorant Neanderthals as the entire country put together. You all contribute to that statistic. Is that all you want from your lives? You want to be a god damn statistic and not even attempt to make something of yourselves? Well that's fucking fine by me, but don't go around scolding people for celebrating their differences. You think I'm going to sneak into the locker rooms and watch all of you undress, don't you?" Silence. "Unless I'm gravely mistaken, which I'm not, I believe I have just asked you all a question and, if you can comprehend only the most simplistic rules of the English language, then my question warrants a response." Kurt glared at them fiercely. There was a murmur of affirmation.

"Just as I thought. In fact, you lot are the last people I would want to see without at least three layers of clothing covering your sweaty bodies. None of you are even remotely appealing to me and I have the most impeccable taste since Blake Lively. You're athletes, you should be in great shape but, instead, I see you shovelling platefuls of pure carbs into your poisonous mouths and think you can get away with that and still be desirable to girls. I have it on good authority that none of you have girlfriends and all but one of you is still a virgin. So think about that before you assume that I would even think about looking at you in various stages of undress. If your physical lack of appeal was not enough, you are all horrid human beings. Bullies like you should be shot down with a firing squad composed of all the people you've bullied. If would be the sweetest revenge. And I am no longer the fragile boy I once was. I can easily dish out the most torturous punishments onto you if you cause me anymore grief. If any more of my fabulous outfits gets ruined by a slushy, I will smack you down so quickly you won't have time to say 'gay'. Heed my warnings, boys, because it's the only one you're getting. That being said, I'm sure that Coach Sylvester will want to wholeheartedly defend the boy who won her Nationals in sophomore year by singing a medley in _French_. And we all know what Sue Sylvester is capable of. Ponder this before you waste your time throwing me in a dumpster or shouting slurs at me. Remember this. You won't be warned again."

Satisfied, Kurt was brave enough to turn his back on the jocks. Karofsky sauntered after him, a sneer taking over his face. Before Karofsky could punch him, Kurt spun around and grabbed his arm, twisting it into a very uncomfortable position.

"Did my speech just mean nothing to you? Think more carefully or I'll break it. Now I want an apology."

"No fucking way, Hummel." Kurt shrugged and twisted it more painfully. Karofsky whimpered.

"Fine, I'm sorry, okay, just let go of me." He winced as Kurt let go.

"Fuck with me again and I'll castrate you with a chopstick." Kurt whispered.

He flounced away with sass, knowing that his speech now made him safe at McKinley. He dialled a number on his iPhone.

"Hello?" The voice answered.

"It's done."

"Oustanding." Santana purred back. Now to get her boy to the top of the social pyramid.

"I'll drop the recording off in your locker tomorrow morning. By the way, I taped it to my junk." He laughed down the phone. This year was going to be oodles of fun.


	4. Action!

One thing to know about Kurt Hummel: he detests action movies.

One thing to know about Finn Hudson: he adores action movies.

So when the two settle down to have a movie night, they cannot possibly decide on what movie or even the genre that they're going to watch. One thing about their relationship: they have to decide together. They used to take turns, but their schedules got messed up and they couldn't remember whose turn it was to pick so they scrapped that in favour of a completely mutual decision.

They had gotten together in sophomore year of high school. The more Finn was around Kurt, the more he fell for him. Kurt was obviously enamoured with the jock, so them getting together was not an issue. Finn had taken some crap for it, but he had come out of the closet and proudly walked down the corridors hand in hand and Kurt could not have been happier.

That being said, Burt and Carole had never found each other without Kurt's interaction. Once their parents had met, they hadn't fallen in love so Kurt and Finn could be together without distraction.

Well, that is, until movie night.

"Honey, come on, let's watch Moulin Rouge! It's a musical and it has action in it!" Kurt debated, holding up one of his favourite DVD's with a hopeful smile. Usually, Kurt had Finn wrapped tightly around his little finger, but not when it came to movies. Finn always remaining unrelenting and stubborn with his choices.

"Kurt, we've watched that movie about 80 times this year. I think we need a break." Finn shot back. Kurt raised an eyebrow. It was a completely valid point, so Kurt tossed the movie onto the 'no' pile which so far consisted of every movie-musical Kurt owned, sans a few that Kurt hadn't gotten to yet.

"Rocky Horror?" Kurt smirked, knowing that Finn would be reminded of their junior year almost-production. It had been seven years since that fiasco, but it had never left Finn's mind.

"Baby, I love you, but unless you want me to curl up in a ball and cry, we're not watching that." Finn shuddered. Kurt winked.

"I know we're not, ever since Mr Schue pictured me as Frank, I can't watch it. I just wanted to make you squirm a little. Okay, what about Les Miserables?" Kurt held up his next choice.

"Okay, it's awesome, but I would rather not spend tonight crying about Gavroche. That little dude was so cute." Finn retorted. Kurt rolled his eyes.

"Fine, I hate to say this, but you pick something." Kurt braced himself.

"Okay, cool, uh, Zero Dark Thirty?" Finn posed the question.

"I'm breaking up with you. Whilst I simply adore Queen Chastain, that movie is one of hers I will not put myself through. You know I get scared during war and gun films."

"I know, and it's always adorable when you bury your head into my chest whenever somebody pulls the trigger."

"It's scary!" Kurt protested.

"I know, baby. I guess that rules out The Hurt Locker, Argo and Schindler's List."

"My best friend is Jewish, Finn, that film offends me. It's interesting that you've mentioned all of those that won Academy Awards for Best Picture." Kurt was _obsessed_ with the Academy Awards and had gone through a period of watching every single movie that won Best Picture. He had done it as much as he could, too.

"Yeah, and those are the ones that you skipped from your list." Finn quipped.

"Only because they're scary!" Kurt stuck his tongue out.

"Action movies are the best, Kurt."

Kurt sighed and Finn just knew that he had indeed stepped in it. Kurt was about to rant about action movies.

"Finn Hudson-Hummel," Kurt began (oh yeah, they had legally gotten married). "Forgive me if I fail to see the appeal of action movies when the main feature is the time and effort spent on how real the bullet wound is. Considering that my favourite movies focus heavily upon the plotlines and character development, I just cannot see myself enduring many action movies where all that the director's care about are special effects and making 'a really cool explosion'. That's well and good for you and other action movie buffs, but I prefer to stick to my romance films and my movie-musical features because of the elements of tragedy and romance and suspense. I even enjoy the occasional horror, even though they're terribly predictable and you can always tell when things are going to happen. Remember when we watched The Conjuring with Rachel and Blaine? I tapped my foot everytime something 'scary' was about to happen and they still jumped a foot in the air. They're predictable but even they are better than action movies. Whilst I do enjoy a good hand combat fight sequence, action movies are a complete waste of budget. Those Transformers movies that Sam loves are just the worst things to happen to the world of cinema since Gigi with Affleck and Lopez. Because that was just terrible."

"Are you done? I want to change your mind about car movies."

"Oh please, I'm just getting started and you've just reminded me of something I hate just as much as action movies. Action movies with cars in them. The Fast and Furious movies? Need for Speed? Ugh, the closest I'll get to enjoying something like that is Mario Kart. Trust me, I'm all for cars. I help out with the recently opened New York branch of Hummel's Tires and Lube whenever I have time because I love repairing cars. But those movies have no substance and I would rather spend my money at the movies going to see something that doesn't have people flinching at the sound of tires rubbing against the road surfaces. And those car stunts? Excuse me, they never actually happen. People just get crushed and fall off cliffs, they don't survive and keep driving. So I am going to text Tina and ask her what we should watch."

"Man, I'm looking forward to the next time someone pisses you off and it's not me. I love when you go all diva on me, sweetheart." Finn pulled Kurt into his lap and kissed his neck affectionately.

"Finn, now is not the time. Tina just texted back."

"What did she say?" Finn said, curious.

Kurt just shook his head and rolled his eyes, handing the phone to Finn whilst he readjusted himself on Finn's lap.

Finn just chuckled. "Porn movies? That is so Tina."

"Hm, well I guess now _is_ the time." Kurt reconsidered and kissed his husband fully on the lips, straddling him on the chair.

"See, they do stuff like this in some action movies." Finn protested.

"Don't ruin the moment, Finn." Kurt said, muffled, as he buried his face into Finn's neck and planted kisses up and down his jawline. Finn sat back, content to not ruin the moment. He guessed that this would be another unsuccessful movie night after all.


	5. Glee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt divas out in Glee Club, demanding that things change in the choir room...

Certain members of the New Directions, Quinn, Santana and Puck included, paid no attention to one Rachel Berry when she demanded to have a solo for the upcoming competition. Rachel would clap her hands and preach about how talented she was whilst pitching biased solo ideas to Mr Schuester, who would sit there and take it without protesting even a little bit. The other members, however, would watch Kurt Hummel and his reaction. Kurt's lip would curl into a snarl and his eyes narrowed considerably whilst eyeing the short girl and probably plotting ways in which she could plausibly disappear from the planet without him being tracked down for causing it.

Then he would glare at Mr Schuester for not doing anything about it. He would sigh and then turn to Tina or Santana discuss the latest shopping trip. Mercedes was doing enough scoffing for the both of them to be much of a conversationalist during these times. When Santana was sure that she could hold in her impending laughter, she would talk about fashion with her best boy and Tina. This time, though, she was in no mood to discuss sweaters. She saw how stormy Kurt looked and knew she wanted to do something about it.

"Kurt. Say something to her. You've wanted to for months and you've held in it endlessly. Explode. It's time and Lord knows you've certainly earned the right to after the _Defying Gravity_ mishap. Do it. I'll sit back and chip in if you need me, but somehow I doubt you do. You have enough material to cover." Santana advised, seeing his lower lip trembling with rage.

"Fine." He said, uncharacteristically calm. "Rachel." He piped up to the whole group, causing the girl to spin around, suddenly on the defensive. Santana nudged him and he walked down into the centre of the room, one hand on his hip, looking at her.

"Yes, Kurt?"

"I would rather, on behalf of myself and the entire group, that you didn't take the solo for Regionals."

"You want us to _lose?"_ Rachel thundered, turning on him. Santana smirked and bit her lip. It was exciting to see this after so long. Mike silently encouraged Kurt and the rest of the club followed suit, not wanting to make a noise.

"You singing a solo definitely does not assure us victory at Regionals, _Berry_." Hearing Kurt sneer her name made Rachel flinch. "That being said, you are extremely talented and your voice adds a lot to any set list. The problem is that you do not seem to respect us or our respective talents in any way, shape or form. Have you even _heard_ Santana, Tina, Quinn, Mercedes and Brittany _sing_? They are amazing and could definitely lead us to victory. It's high time you used a stepladder and climbed down from your self-constructed pedestal which right now is ten feet above this room. Come back down to Earth and realise that you aren't the only person in the club. Just think about this for a moment, Rachel." Kurt took a breath.

"You're a judge at a show-choir competition. You're watching a club perform and there's twelve members. They're good, the have good vocals, good energy and their harmonies are pretty much on point. But one girl is singing every note, bar a few where another girls belts at the end of a number. There's a boy singing with her, but he's drowned out by her power and enthusiasm. He's good, but you can't hear him. You're only hearing her. Then the number ends and she comes and sings a solo after already dominating the first number. Doesn't that say to you that the rest of them are completely incapable of singing solo without her there? Rachel, it look like you're our safety net so that we don't have to sing. Truth time now. Rachel, your voice is simply stunning and I enjoy listening to it. However, when I'm performing with you, I resent it. Simply because I know there are other people who deserve the spotlight just as much as you do, if not more. We have all, besides Mercedes, bitten our tongues in this club and stayed silent whilst you belted out everything from every Broadway catalogue and then some. Well I am silent no more. Now, Mr Schuester, I talk directly to you." Santana smirked once more, getting shivers. Rachel just stood there, slack-jawed.

"Mr Schuester, when you held auditions for this club, you did not mention that we were auditioning for a choral position in a Glee Club behind the lead soloists. I joined because this place was a safe-haven but mostly because I love to sing. I want to sing professionally after high school ends. But I'm heavily dissatisfied with how this club is formatted. I don't want to be a chorus member. My voice is more than capable of leading numbers and truthfully, I have the best range in the room. That is not to discount my fellow teammates. Everybody in here could successfully sing a solo at a competition. Yet you choose to place us in the shadow of Rachel Berry simply because it's easier for you and she's always willing to do it. Fair enough, we won at Sectionals, but Rachel singing another solo from _Funny Girl_ won't help us take Regionals. It works for Vocal Adrenaline because they have the numbers. We don't have such a luxury. Therefore, we need to utilise as much talent as possible, not just hers. Frankly, I'm stunned that Santana hasn't been awarded a solo at Regionals." All eyes turned to Santana, including Mr Schuester's and Rachel's. Santana just sat there, proud of her boy.

"Her voice is the most unique, besides my own, in the club. She can smash any number given to her with aplomb. Yet she's side lined. Again. You never give us a chance and I'm tired of it. It took my father threatening to blow up the building for you to even consider letting me _audition_ for _Defying Gravity_. What kind of teaching method is that? It's telling Rachel that she deserves more than the rest of us and she doesn't even have to try. So, Mr Schuester, you need to choose.

"You have twelve members as of now. Can you perform with eleven?"

"What are you trying to say, Kurt?" Mr Schuester inhaled, knowing what was to come.

"I'm saying, Mr Schuester, let somebody else take the lead at Regionals or I'm quitting the club." Kurt jutted a hip out and the other members of New Directions looked stunned that he would even say that.

"KURT YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" Rachel yelled.

"Oh shut up, Berry, he can do what he likes." Quinn piped up, smiling, nodding at Kurt.

"As Quinn says, Rachel, I can do what I like. And I will do so. Mr Schue, I both like and respect you as a teacher and as a person, but I can't do this. I'll be back at tomorrow's rehearsal and if you haven't changed your game plan and allow somebody to else to solo, _anybody_ else, then I'm quitting permanently. I apologise to my friends, but I believe this is necessary for the club and for my own life. I hope you consider my point, Mr Schuester." Kurt bowed slightly and walked out the door.

Rachel began pacing like she was about to be shot. The others just smiled, thinking that they had a good chance to get a solo. Mr Schuester still looked confused.

"Mr Schuester, you don't have to do this. We can get Jacob to come back! Kurt's voice is replaceable and we can—."

"Uh, what?" Mike piped up, shockingly. Rachel looked at him, as if surprised that he could even speak.

"Kurt's voice is the most unique voice in the school. You'd be a fool to deny that." Quinn said.

Rachel's mouth just flapped open and shut quickly, lost for words.

Santana smirked. _Yeah,_ she thought, _her boy ruled the school. He was going to dominate the world with her at his side._

Glee Club was the first step.


	6. Left Behind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not Blaine Friendly, well the first half isn't.

Kurt sighed, putting his head in his hands. He was completely sick of being taken for granted. Blaine just walked all over him every single chance he got. He said 'yes' to Blaine's proposal because he loved him and did indeed want to spend the rest of his life with the boy. He could see Blaine in his long future. He could imagine them in the same retirement home being themselves and having a lovely time there. He could see himself dying with Blaine.

But all of that seemed irrelevant at this point in time.

Kurt was extremely eager for Blaine to graduate and move to New York to attend NYADA, but he had _not_ expected Carmen Tibideaux to advance Blaine into most of the sophomore classes, something which had never happened in the history of the school. It was a completely travesty in Kurt's eyes. He figured that nobody should ever be allowed to take classes at college that are a year above them. People, including Kurt and Rachel, worked hard to gain entrance into the school and both worked hard during their freshman year of college to impress the faculty. Both did. Blaine got in and somehow worked his way straight up to sophomore level without doing any of the freshman year study that all members were required to do. In some classes, Blaine was definitely lagging behind, not having the basic foundation that was taught the previous year to keep up with the advanced course level.

It wasn't just NYADA that was the problem, though. He stopped at nothing to take opportunities to show Kurt up. Kurt had allowed him to perform at the showcase for June Dolloway with him, not wanting to experience things without his boyfriend, no fiance, and then Blaine grabs June's attention and leaves Kurt flailing in the dust. Fair enough, Kurt though, June took a special interest in Blaine, but he wouldn't have caught her attention without Kurt's help and Kurt did not get anything as much as a thank you. He was tired of just being _there_. In the fight between Santana and Rachel, he was the middle man and he almost felt like the middle man between Blaine and his career and that was _not_ the way a relationship worked and Blaine did not seem to understand that. Blaine was always putting himself first and then making out like it was Kurt's fault.

Like with the cronut obsession thing and the slight weight gain? Was that supposed to have been Kurt's decision? Kurt was busy making himself physically fit, making up for all of the times he ws not regarded as a sexual creature in high school. Finally, he was fit and people looked twice when they saw him. The way people look at Sam, Noah and Mike. Then Blaine blames _Kurt_ for making him feel inferior and insecure? During high school, that was _all_ Blaine did. But Blaine seemed to have forgotten the past and how he had acted back then.

Breaking through Kurt's inner monologue, Blaine burst through the door, all chipper after a 'date' with June Dolloway, that vile woman who Kurt regretted admiring.

"Hey you! You'll never guess what June just told me! She's picked out a new song for me that she thinks is just perfect for me! She's chosen _Corner of the Sky_ from Pippin! Do you know it?"

Kurt almost scoffed. _Do you know it_? Please. As far as Kurt's concerned, it's _his_ song. The range is perfect, the meaning is perfect and it complements Kurt's voice beautifully. It had been his ringtone since the 2013 Broadway Cast Recording was released. Well, since Kurt pre-ordered it about 3 months prior. And Blaine _knew_ that. Or he wasn't listening, one of the two. Kurt had even sang it for him as a practice for a NYADA assessment. Blaine had complimented him vastly upon his performance. In the moment, it had seemed like the world was applauding. Now, it seemed fake.

"Yes, Blaine, I have heard. If you called me right now, you would hear Matthew James Thomas singing his beautiful version coming out of my phone. You know why? Because it's my ringtone. But you wouldn't know that would you? Because you haven't called me in weeks. I performed that song for one of my NYADA finals. I sung it for you. You liked it. I've been obsessed with it for months and months and you're asking me whether I knew it. Let me guess, my new favourite Broadway ballad escaped your notice? Even though I've played it non stop for a long while now? Is that what you're asking me? If I know one of my favourite songs of all time? Think about your answer, won't you?"

Blaine frowned. "What's going on, Kurt?"

"Oh, like you haven't noticed," Kurt snapped harshly. "You've been all about you ever since you started at NYADA and I'm getting tired of it, Blaine. Even Sam was over here the other night and you weren't even here to see your best friend. You know he's leaving for Milan soon and you couldn't even put in an appearance. Because you were with June. Your new _muse_ I presume. Apparently, she's replaced me as the person you go to with all of your problems. Blaine, we haven't had a serious conversation in weeks. The most we've talked is about our rehearsal for the showcase. And don't even get me started on that trainwreck."

Blaine's eyebrows snapped together furiously. "No please explain your thoughts about the showcase that _you_ invited me to. It's not my fault that June liked me better! If you didn't want me to become successful, you shouldn't have asked me to perform with you. This is your doing and I'm not apologising for wanting a career."

Kurt smirked angrily. Was he _serious_? "Bitch, please. I wanted us to do something together because you haven't been the same since my attack. Yes Blaine, the bashing. The thing you've avoided talking about, even when it was brought up by _me_. I don't mind talking about it, Blaine. It helps me deal with it. But you close off whenever I try. I get it, it must've been horrible for you to witness, because I know I would've been going crazy with grief and pain aif that had have been you. And I _know_ it's a sore spot for you because of the Sadie Hawkins at your old high school before Dalton. But it's not all about you and how you're dealing. I was the one that was attacked, Blaine. All because I was helping someone. But you haven't focused on that. You've been so concerned with June that you've ignored everything in my life. And the worst thing, you were even texting during Rachel's opening night which is extremely disrespectful."

Blaine paled at that. He had not realised that Kurt had noticed that. He thought he had been sly. "You've still not mentioned the showcase." He swallowed. Did he even want to hear any more?

"Deflection has always been a strong trait of yours. I was getting to that. I understand that it could be my fault that I'm feeling like this in your eyes, but it's not. I don't regret singing with you. I definitely don't regret June liking you so don't ever say that I'm resentful of your new success because I'm not! I'm so incredibly proud and happy. Don't tell me how I'm feeling. Anyway, the thing that I do resent is you neglecting everything else because you're so consumed with how June is making you feel. You're getting hungry for fame and success that you're ready to leave behind everybody that got you hear. Me, Sam, Rachel, and when was the last time you even spoke to Tina? I email her daily about how she's doing and she has no idea about you and what you're doing." Blaine visibly flinched at the mentions of Sam and Tina.

"I'm just working so hard." What a feeble response, Kurt thought. _Have I taught you nothing, Blaine?_

"Just like I did last year in my freshman year at NYADA. Which you practically skipped. Fair enough, that was Carmen's decision, but you did nothing but remind me of that for like two weeks straight. It gets boring, Blaine, playing second best to you. You're constantly telling me how talented I am, but then use me as your personal punchbag. It's demeaning and hateful."

"I advanced in NYADA because Carmen thought I was capable, excuse me for showing promise. You didn't even do most of freshman year because you were only accepted during the Winter Showcase. I got in first time as did Rachel."

"That was harsh, even for you Blaine. But have you noticed when the best things happened to me? When we weren't together. When we broke up, I got into NYADA and made something of myself. I impressed Carmen and the rest of the school. I won the Midnight Madness against Rachel. I auditioned for Nick Arnstein in the production of Funny Girl that Rachel was in—."

"And you clearly got that." The sarcasm didn't even need to be explained.

"Yes, I didn't get it, but that and my rejection from NYADA has taught me a lot about rejection. I get knocked back a lot and that drives me on to do better and prove people wrong. You seem to get everything first time and that teaches you that you can get everything you want just by showing up. Including me. Well I can't do this anymore."

"You can't break up with me."

"I've done it once, I can do it again! I love you, Blaine, and I would rather not break up with you. I want to spend my life with you. But I want the old Blaine back. The Warbler. The guy who serenaded me with 'Somewhere Only We Know' simply because I moved back to my old school. That was unbelievably an amazing moment for me. Probably my favourite part of high school, actually. You came to Prom with me even though it made you uncomfortable. You let me duet with you on 'Candles'. You told me that you loved me." Kurt was sobbing at this point, the nostagia overwhelming him. "What happened to that Blaine? The one that put love before anything. The Blaine that I fell for. That Blaine would never have become what you are. I can't even look at you without resenting the fact that you're not him anymore."

"I'm still him, Kurt." Blaine was softly crying.

"No. You're not. You're hateful, selfish and ingorant. I don't recognise him in you. It's like you're a different person."

"You agreed to marry me." Blaine reminded him.

"I haven't forgotten." Kurt played with his engagement ring. "I don't want to lose you, Blaine. I just want to rediscover the magic that you brought to my life. I want the Blaine that cuddles me whenever there is thunder and lightning. The one that dances around the room singing 'Come What May' with me. The Blaine that balances love and career. I'm not happy. But I want to be. What do you want to do?"

"I miss that Blaine. I know that I've changed, at least I suspect that I have in your reactions. Your kisses aren't as passionate as they once were. When we make love, it's still amazing, but there's something missing. Kurt, I know that I've hurt you probably beyond repair, but I'd really like to make this right. In fact…" Blaine trailed off, pulling his phone out. Whoever he was calling went to voicemail.

"Hello June? It's Blaine. You can't manage me anymore. It's causing a rift in my relationship. I can't have that. I appreciate everything you have done for my career, but this isn't working. I need to make things right with Kurt. He comes first. Thank you, bye." Blaine shut the phone.

"Blaine—."

"No, you were right, Kurt. I'm sorry. Time to make things up to you. Starting now."

_Never knew I could feel like this I had never seen the sky before…_


	7. Wicked vs. Phantom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt educates Quinn on the wonders of Wicked...with a song.

Kurt's favourite musical is, and will always be, _Wicked_. He loves everything about it and the only thing he cannot tolerate is when people diss it. When people diss Idina Menzel or Kristin Chenoweth, his favourite cast members in the entire show's run in both New York, London and the international showings, things can get pretty intense between whomever crosses such a dangerous path.

So when a seemingly innocent comment by one Quinn Fabray lauds the likes of another musical rather than _Wicked_ , Kurt feels the need to step in. Clearly, an intervention is needed. It would seem that their taste is severely lacking and Kurt feels that it is his duty as self-proclaimed Broadway fanatic to correct such a wrongful view.

Mr Schuester was asking about suggestions for the winter musical, and was asking about everybody's favourite Broadway classic.

"I personally love Phantom." Quinn stated proudly as Santana gasped. Even she knew not to go there.

"Excuse me, Quinn, but what did you just say?" Kurt calmly said as Tina fanned him.

"Phantom is a great musical Kurt. I love everything about it and it's my favourite. Plus, it's a classic and the longest-running show in history. You can't really beat that, especially not with Wicked. I know you love it, but it's a baby. Plus it's way overrated."

"Girl, are you _trying_ to step on some toes here?" Mercedes interjected.

Kurt stood and addressed the entire room.

"Ladies and gentlemen of Glee Club, thanks to our dear, dear Quinn Fabray, it is time for Kurt Hummel's Seminar on How Not To Be Completely Basic.

Groans scattered across the room, mainly from Santana and Sam.

"You love it, really." Kurt said evenly.

"Quinn Fabray, you have made a very erroneous decision in preferring Phantom of the Opera over Wicked and I am here to intervene and set you straight. No pun intended."

"Kurt, is this really—?"

"No interruptions, please. Hear me out. Stephen Schwartz's Wicked, ever since debuting in 2003 has become one of the most adored musicals ever to grace the fabulous stage of the Gershwin Theatre on Broadway. There is no doubt about it that Wicked is supreme to most, if not all, musicals. Simply put, the face that it lost the Tony Award for Best Musical to the likes of the highly questionable Avenue Q is a complete travesty of international proportions."

Will frowned as he heard Sue Sylvester's favourite phrase being uttered by her male protégé. That was…all kinds of odd.

"Also, the fact that the musical is headlined by two amazingly detailed and wise characters such as my dears Elphaba and Galinda with a 'gah', and later just Glinda, is something that is rarely found in most of Wicked's contemporaries. Most shows, such as your beloved Phantom make use of highly dreadful male protagonists who seem more like antagonists. Don't get me wrong, Phantom is a great show and Lloyd Webber is awe-inspiring, but anybody who is of sound mind must admit that even that falls flat compared to Wicked."

He continued. "I know, it's all just conjecture and a matter of opinion, but I will defend Wicked until my death arrives at my door. Before we even _begin_ to touch on the topic of Idina Menzel versus Sarah Brightman, I am going to sing a selection from Wicked to demonstrate just how relatable its music is. Nobody actually relates to a song about a creepy guy wanting this young girl to be his star so much that he trots her out at every performance and makes sure she's the only one that sings, outshining the likes of the equally talented Carlotta."

He gave a pointed glance to Rachel and then to Mr Schuester.

"Well, not many people. But I believe this is a song that everybody can see a part of themselves in, and no I am not going to be reprising _Defying Gravity_ for you all today."

_Hands touch, eyes meet_

_Sudden silence, sudden heat_

_Hearts leap in a giddy whirl_

_He could be that boy, but I'm not that girl…_

_Don't dream too far_

_Don't lose sight of who you are_

_Don't remember that rush of joy_

_He could be that boy but I'm not that girl_

_Every so often we long to steal_

_To a land of 'what might have been'_

_But that doesn't soften the ache we feel_

_When reality sets back in_

_Blithe smile, lithe limb_

_She who's winsome, she wins him_

_Gold hair with a gentle curl_

_That's the girl he chose_

_And heaven knows_

_I'm not that girl_

_Don't wish, don't start_

_Wishing only wounds the heart_

_I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl_

_There's a girl I know_

_He loves her so_

_I'm not…that girl._

The applause was short as they knew that Kurt wanted to continue on steamrollering Quinn with his flawless logic.

"That song is about knowing you love somebody but having to watch them choose somebody who is, in your eyes, perfect when you know that you yourself will never attract their attention, but that person can be close to you, but you still feel resentment. Now compare the beautiful themes that run through the likes of that, _Defying Gravity, For Good_ and _No Good Deed_ compared to songs such as _Masquerade_ and _Angel of Music_. I will concede that her two solo ballads _Think of Me_ and _Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again_ are beautiful pieces are music, but they're not very timeless. The likes of _Defying Gravity_ will live on and on until a musical so groundbreaking comes along that everything else is dimmed in comparison. Of course, I will originate a role in such a musical having composed the score and written the accompanying book. So Quinn, I now ask you to point out one thing which doesn't include the Tony's that makes Phantom a better musical."

Quinn's mouth flapped open and closed again, to both Kurt and Santana's high amusement.

"My point proven. Oh and Mr Schuester, not to completely contradict my points, but can we _not_ do Wicked for the musical. Because we all know that I am the only person here who could pull of Glinda and there's no way I'm being allowed to personify the role as long as homophobia and transphobia exists in these hallowed halls. So I vote for _Les Miserables_. I can wipe the floor with everyone in my quest to play Marius alongside Santana's Eponine."

Mr Schuester nodded, rendered speechless by Kurt's rapid jabbering. _Les Miserables_ did seem like a good musical and with lots of relevant themes such as war and prostitution.

Kurt looked to Quinn. "I'm taking you to see Wicked in New York, Quinn. You'll soon change your mind." He winked.


	8. Baby Names

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No offence intended to those of you with matching names! 
> 
> Kurt and his squad are trying to pick the perfect name for their baby...

By now, all of New York knew that Kurt Hummel and Sam Evans were officially having a baby, courtesy of Santana Lopez herself. She was the "picnic basket" for their baby as Brittany so hilariously labelled it.

Everything was sorted. Two weeks until the due date and they didn't the gender, though. They had cots and chairs and strollers and diapers and pacifiers galore. The only thing they didn't have was a name.

So Kurt, Sam, Santana, Brittany, Quinn and Tina all gathered around the coffee table at Quinn's place to discuss baby names.

"How about Luca?" Tina supplied immediately.

"Tina, they're not having a plant fertiliser. Come up with something useful."

"You come up with something then!" Tina shot back.

"I'm carrying the damn thing, isn't that enough? Anyway, I was going to suggesting Cordelia. Yes, as in 'Chase'."

Kurt pondered that for a second. "Hmm, I'm liking the cultural reference to one of my favourite characters on television, but no. Sorry, Satan, but my child is not growing up as Cordelia Hummel-Evans."

"Now that you say her full name, it does sound questionable."

"I like Patrick." Quinn put in.

Sam shook his head. "No, my creepy next door neighbour was called Patrick when I was growing up. He used to sing to his lawnmower."

Kurt shuddered. Sam continued speaking.

"How about…Jake?"

"As in Noah's little brother or the protagonist from Avatar?"

"Whichever works for you." Sam chuckled.

"Neither."

"Cameron?"

"As in James Cameron? Sam, please be a little bit discreet."

"So I guess you're ruling out Sigourney, Clark, Bruce and Robin?"

"Twice." Sam looked crestfallen.

"Kurt, why don't you come up with something?"

"Okay, how about Charles?"

Santana grimaced. "Kurt, I am not giving birth to the future King of England, okay?"

"Point taken. Uh…Lily if it's a girl?"

"I like that."

"Oh wait, on second thought, no. Sam will want a boy and call him James so we can play Harry Potter in our free time, that is not happening." Kurt smiled at his fiancé.

"How about Fanny?" Brittany asked seriously.

Kurt almost choked on his Diet Coke. "Britt, I love you more than life but please don't suggest that again. If my daughter was named Fanny, she would be ridiculed in the playground and only Rachel Berry would defend her honour. I might even think twice about liking her. No Sam, I'm joking, but let's put that into perspective."

"Speaking of, where is Berry?" Santana interrupted.

"I didn't ask her to come. I am fond of her, but I didn't want to have to constantly reject names such as Elphaba and Eponine. Plus, if I didn't agree to the middle name of Barbra, boy of girl, I'm afraid of what she might do. Also I wanted to make sure that she wasn't here when I formally asked Santana and Brittany to be the child's godparents. She would kick up a fuss if it wasn't her."

Brittany squealed with delight. "Oh, Kurt and Sam, of _course_ we'll do it! I promise I will love this baby more than Rachel loves herself and Finn loves nachos!" Brittany kissed them both on the cheek and Santana waved a hand.

"I'm heavily pregnant so I can't exactly run and hug you, but thank you guys. This means a lot. It's also about time you asked considered I've had possibly the gayest baby alive festering in my womb for what feels like a century and godmother is only fitting pour moi."

Everyone laughed. Tina coughed quietly. "Back to baby names? I was thinking of Hector."

"It's cute, T, but it would only work up until he was about eight. Then the novelty would wear off. We need something timeless."

"Matilda?" Quinn supplied, pursing her lips.

Kurt rounded on her. "Quinn Fabray, I am this close to evicting you from my life. Matilda? Ugh, you are the Rachel Berry of this little gathering. Don't forget that you have a son called Jason and a daughter called Amy. Two of the most normal names ever to exist. So why would you think that it would be appropriate for my daughter to have a name such as Matilda. It is an albatross of epic proportions and would only result in her being roped into a community theatre production of the eponymous musical all about her. I will not have something which has Kurtana blood running through her veins even auditioning for community theatre."

"Yet you're allowed to participate in slightly creepy old people productions of Peter Pan?" Quinn shot back, liking the banter.

"Those old people were insanely cute and Maggie Banks still calls me every so often to talk about Madonna and my career. Old people are adorable, Quinn. Matilda and community theatre are not. Let's not change the subject, though. Any nicer names than Matilda? This should not be a difficult question."

"Morticia?" Tina expertly stifled a laugh.

"Oh I see. This game is all about making Kurt furious that his child would be subjected to horrific names only given to abhorrent toxic waste products. Well your little scheme isn't going to work. All it's going to do is make me question your judgement and omit you from future shopping trips when I need my baby's clothing to be on point. Now people with real suggestions, please fire away. I am no longer listening to Quinntina."

Brittany looked up. "I just got a text from Blaine. If it's a boy, he suggests 'Courage'."

Kurt fell apart laughing, firing off a quick derogatory text to Blaine about his choices in life.

_I hope your future baby names suggestions are more proficient than the person who tames those wild beasts you claim are eyebrows._

_PS: No._

Sam paused and waited for silence, knowing he had the perfect name for their baby girl.

"Faith." He smiled at his fiancé.

Only the two of them would understand the name and its significance, but then that was okay.

"It's perfect." Kurt had his epiphany. "But what about a boy's name?"

Sam thought some more about Kurt's love of deceased TV characters and paying homage to them. "George."

"Now that's even better."


	9. Rock Salt!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt takes a trip to Dalton to deal with the Smirky Meerkat

Kurt knew his way around Dalton Academy like he knew the Les Miserables score. Very, very well.

Pushing open the door to the "choir room" of sorts, he smiled at his old Warbler friends as they frowned at him.

"Don't worry, boys. I'm not here to interrupt your doo-wopping behind the lead soloist, I only wish to speak with the arrogant meerkat. He should be around here somewhere. Maybe I should just look for a singing warthog and maybe he'll pop up and sing songs about having no worries."

A few of the more courageous Warblers giggled at Kurt's reference. Thad winked at his friend as Kurt heard the door open.

"Ah, it's Jack Sparrow's outrageously feminine life partner. I'm actually quite hesitant to say boyfriend because nobody's actually too sure of what's down there." Sebastian grinned smugly.

Kurt turned on him fiercely. "Well if it isn't Ohio's most hated citizen. Tell me, how does it feel knowing that all of Craigslist has seen your smirking, pig-headed, lopsided face all over the website headlined under 'Cheap Gigolo'?"

"About as good as it would feel to be constantly trying to find designer eye patches for Blaine, I would imagine."

"You're just so resentful because he rejected you for _me_. You were so filled with jealousy that you had to try and blind me. Slushies with hard bits in them? Really Smythe?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"You know, I think you do and here's why. You came to Dalton thinking that it would be full of desperate gays just begging to sleep with you. They all rejected you because they were sensible and didn't want to risk contamination and plus I'm pretty sure that's classed as the illegal kind of bestiality that nobody likes, ever.

"Having said that, Blaine revisits his friends and meets the new 'Captain' of the Warblers. Thinking nothing of it, and because he's kind to everybody he meets, he sits down and has coffee with you. You express your interest and he says that he has a boyfriend. Still, you try it on with him. He firmly rejects you, again.

"Then you meet me. You think I'm not good enough for Blaine and perhaps you're right, I think that about myself every day. So you scheme and you scheme. You used Scandals as a ploy to get us away from each other so you can convince him to cheat. Guess what, Sebastian? We're still together. And we always will be. Because people like you can't break us. We've been through so much worse than this. You'll never have him, Sebastian and it makes you so very angry and I, Kurt Hummel, have the one thing that you desire that you can't get."

"That's what you think? Hummel, how could I ever be jealous of you?"

"Oh, I was just getting to that. Wow, you're arrogant _and_ impatient. See, Sebastian you thought of Blaine as a challenge. Somebody who was in a committed relationship. You decided to test your abilities by flirting with him. Blaine still to this day turns you down, so you think yourself as a failure. You are doubting your sexual prowess because Blaine chooses to remain with me. And then as you think I look more like a lady than a man, you think this is outrageous. You're angry at Blaine for rejecting you. You're angry at yourself for failing to get him. But you're not angry at me are you, Smythe? No, you're insanely _jealous_. I know that because I've been where you are. The jealousy really kills you, especially when you think that the person they're with isn't good enough for them.

"You trying to blind me by throwing the slushy was your way of trying to make me less desirable to Blaine so that he would leave me for your snarky ass. But you didn't count on Blaine loving me enough to protect me. So you felt terrible when Blaine got hit because now he's not desirable to _you_. So you've given up on your chase for Blaine and instead you're planning to ruin New Directions because you don't have Blaine and I can still see. How did I do?"

Sebastian squared up to Kurt, the barely recognisable height difference spurring him on.

"What do you want, Hummel?"

"I want you to confess to me what you did. I won't go to the cops. I'll keep your secret. I just want to know what almost blinded my boyfriend and what was supposed to hit me. For my own piece of mind, you know how it is."

"I don't think so."

"Tell me what you put in that slushy!" Kurt shouts to Sebastian's retreating back.

"Rock salt!" He smugly shouts back, cueing the Warblers to follow him.

After they all exited, Kurt smirks to himself and unbuttons his jeans. Cautiously, he extracts the tape recorder from his junk and smiles, looking at it triumphantly. Dialling a number on his phone, he chuckles to himself.

"Tana? It's done."

"Did you get it? The tape?"

"Yes I did. Rock salt. You were right."

"That son of a bitch. Did you use my suggestion, Hummel?"

"I don't know what you mean." Kurt blushes.

"Oh, you _so_ taped that to your dick."

"Maybe. You have no proof." Kurt grins, channelling everything that Coach Sylvester had ever taught him.

Santana huffed and hung up, leaving Kurt standing in Dalton, replaying Sebastian's confession back to himself.

" _Rock salt!"_ The recorded version of Sebastian shouts over and over again. It wouldn't help Blaine, but it would help him and Santana take Sebastian Smythe down.


	10. Sidekick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt has had enough of Rachel always having to be in the spotlight...

"Kurt, make me a tea with some honey and lemon that would be great for my voice, thank you very much." Rachel whispered from the other side of the room.

Kurt put his hands on his hips and sighed. "Rachel, you do realise that I can't hear you! You're going to have to speak up a little bit if you want something!"

Rachel marched over to her bedside table and scribbled on the whiteboard that was put there 'in case of emergencies'. She held up the sign which read "Honey and lemon tea. Thanks."

Kurt drew back as though he had been slapped. "I'm sorry, was than an order? Because I don't answer to you, Rachel."

Rachel cleared her throat and sighed. "I know what this is about."

"Enlighten me."

"You are so jealous of my Showcase success that you're being massively more bitchy and you and I are growing apart because you can't handle that I won the Winter Showcase and that your NYADA acceptance was overshadowed by my triumph!"

"So the nightmare speaks. First of all, I am not jealous of your success. I am extremely happy for you. There's a difference, okay? I can handle the fact that you won, because I know that you deserved it and that you worked hard to get in and that you rehearsed your song until my ears died. Believe me, I know that you deserved it.

"But this does not give you the right to begin ordering me around like I'm some kind of winged monkey! I am my own person and I am concentrating on my education. Rachel, you have nothing to save your voice for anymore. The showcase is over. Your classes are barely rigorous because the winter semester has just ended. So if you're going to be a diva, you need to take it somewhere else because I am fed up of hearing about it."

"I'm being a diva? I believe that you are being the diva here, Kurt. You're complaining and bitching about how much I'm annoying you when the real reason for all of this is that you want success of your own and it's driving you crazy that your best friend is besting you at everything."

"Okay, here's the dope, Princess. Let's journey back to senior year. Remember our actual NYADA auditions? I excelled and you choked. If it wasn't for Tina, you wouldn't be here right now. Think about that next time you want to gloat about the fact that I didn't get into NYADA first time. I slayed 'Not The Boy Next Door' while you sung off-key and forgot your lyrics to the song that you killed at Sectionals."

"But I got in."

"Because you pestered her. I didn't think I had a reason to pester Carmen Tibideaux about hearing me sing again. If you hadn't have fucked it up the first time, maybe you could've saved yourself the effort of chasing Carmen all over the country for her to hear you again."

"Yes, but the point of the matter is that I got in, Kurt."

"And so did I. It might've took me a few months longer but I'm here too, Rachel. And we're living together. And you're becoming insufferable!"

"Oh, _please_. Ever since you and Blaine broke up, you've been nothing but miserable."

"My father has cancer, Rachel, believe me, there is a reason for my sudden mood changes. Blaine isn't why I've been acting differently or wanting to be alone a little bit more often than usual. I've already had to face losing my father once and now I might have to do it again. So thank you, Rachel, for pointing out my misery. Now if you actually thought about other people for a change, you might realise that I am not in the best of places right now. Yes, I do miss Blaine and it still hurts that he betrayed me, but there's a lot more than just him going on in my mind."

Rachel opened her mouth to speak, but Kurt held up his hand.

"No, it's my turn to speak. You've made your thoughts perfectly clear. Rachel, you are my best friend. I say that with complete love and jollity. But the point is that you have to steamroller your way over everything that's going on in my life to make sure that I have room to deal with your shit too! I am a _person_ , Rachel Berry, and I will say right now that I refuse to be treated like a sidekick. I don't want to be that person that you brush aside every time something better comes along. This friendship is so unbalanced I don't even want to begin naming all the ways you've been a bad friend. Remember the student class president election last year? I was running against Brittany. Oh, and just because you thought Mercedes might get the part of Maria, you run as well, forcing the Glee Club and my own brother to think twice about voting for me! That completely hurt me, Rachel. And then you almost get me in trouble for stuffing the ballot box. Fair enough, that was you trying to help, but it didn't help. At all.

"Let's talk about how you completely sided with Blaine over the whole Chandler incident. Let's not forget that you cheated on Finn, Rachel, with Puck. But you actually cheated. And then _Puck_ of all people stopped it! So for you to turn on me for simply texting another guy is absolutely hypocritical of you and it really hurt me. But I got over it, because I'm a forgiving person. If I can forgive Karofsky for threatening to kill me and sexually harassing me, I can forgive you for most things, too. But I literally feel like a living version of Mister Cellophane around you, Rachel. You're so consumed in your own little world that you don't realise that I'm here and that I have feelings and that I have things going on! NYADA isn't the only important thing in the world, Rachel. Your best friend is right here and the longer that you brush him aside, the more he'll begin to resent you and then you'll have nobody! Those fucking sycophants that you want around you all the time will disappear once they realise that you're a devious person!"

Kurt didn't want to hear any more explanations from Rachel and, having said enough, stormed out of the apartment much more efficiently than Rachel ever could.


	11. Jesse St. Sucks!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt decides that Jesse was unfair and rips him apart...

Kurt finished his song, ' _Some People'_ from Gypsy and he knew that he nailed it. Until Jesse stepped in.

"Kurt, you do know that that song was meant to be sung by a woman, right?" Jessie piped up.

Kurt was fuming. "Yes, I'm aware. And the Glee Club sort of dealt with that whole boys singing songs that are meant for girls. It's kind of old news."

Jessie smirked. "Oh. Then you must know that that song was done to great fanfare by such Broadway legends as Merman, LuPone, Bernadette." Kurt nodded. Obviously, he knew that.

"Those are some awfully big heels to fill, and I'm just not quite sure that you nailed it." Kurt clenched his fists. He had kicked ass on that song and Jesse knew it.

"Look, St. James. You're not Barbra Streisand. You're a boy who flunked most of his classes at UCLA and got rejected by NYADA. Yes, I do my homework. I know all about you and what your little game is. You're trying to bring myself, Santana and Mercedes down so that Rachel gets the solo and hopefully gets back in your arms and pants. Well, I have some news for you, bitch. Rachel and Finn might be broken up, but they're endgame, okay? Finn is my brother and I will not stand around idly letting you trample over everything he has. He didn't even audition for this solo because you trashed his confidence. And now you're trying to take his girlfriend. You're disgusting, Jesse. And guess what? It won't work! Do you not recall the song that Rachel sang at Prom? You know that that you got Finn kicked out of. Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri. And it was all. About. You. You're vain as fuck, surely you know when things are about you.

"And while we're on the subject of you and Rachel, we're best friends. She told me that you sang together. A song by Adele, no less. Correct me if I'm wrong, but Adele is a woman. And was it not last year that I heard you rehearsing Burning Up by Madonna? Again, a woman. Both very talented. How does somebody who doesn't even know what a recession is get to judge who nails what song? If Patti or Bernadette or Ethel were here right now, they would have congratulated me and handed me the solo right there. So don't try to downplay my performance in a feeble attempt to get Rachel back. Don't you dare use female songs as my 'feedback'. I'm this close to having Santana whip out her razors on you. You need to leave this school right now.

"Mr Schuester, I know that this insane audition plan was not your idea, so just go ahead and give Finn and Rachel the duet we all already know that you're planning where they enter from the back of the stage while the rest of us stand as an ensemble and harmonise and Mercedes comes out to belt the last note. Jesse St. James. You Jesse. St. Suck and I'm going to go backstage and make sure that everybody knows it. Santana may have already performed for you. I've heard her, she was epic. Mercedes is going to blow you away with her song. So will Rachel. And we're all more talented than you. Your Bohemian Rhapsody was a bold move and it fell on its face. We were supposed to win Regionals. I check the show choir blogs. The real results were posted online by Josh Groban ten minutes after you won, but it was too late to change anything. Face it, Jesse. You're washed-up show choir performer who is just trying to relive his glory days by trying to achieve what he should've done last year. If you hadn't have messed with Rachel, you might still have her. But now she's ready to go back to Finn and Finn's ready to take her back. You're too late, St. James. And we all know it."

Jesse sat there, listening whilst Kurt dished out his insults, one right after the other. There was no room for interjection by Mr Schuester or Jesse, but both sat gawping at Kurt's tirade. Nobody could ever doubt his breath control.

And in that moment, Kurt did not care if he got the solo or if he didn't. All he knew was that he completely destroyed Jesse St. James and still had the time to file his nails.


	12. Grilled Cheesus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt thinks a religious sandwich is just ridiculous...and then he realises something.

Kurt really needed to find Finn.

After the debate about Finn finding about out Burt, they had both been pretty mad at each other. Kurt was mostly mad at the world for hospitalising his father, but he was also mad at Finn. He completely understood where Finn was coming from; he would want to know if it was Carole, but he wasn't in a position where he could think rationally at the moment. Kurt figured that Finn was mad at Kurt for not telling him, but excuse him if Finn wasn't the first thing on his mind after his dad's arrhythmia. He just couldn't deal with Finn commenting that he thought an arrhythmia was a musical term due to the presence of the word rhythm inside it. Kurt just knew it would make him more irritated. He was going to tell Finn in person at home, but Finn had bitten his head off first.

He just knew that he would find Finn in the locker room. However, he did not expect to see what he walked in on. Oh how he wished he walked in on Finn masturbating, rather than seeing the situation that occurred instead.

"What are you doing?" Finn had his back to him. He was kneeling and it didn't take a genius to figure out that Finn Hudson was praying.

"Praying." Finn quickly turned around. Living with the big buffoon enabled Kurt to know his idiosyncrasies Kurt knew that whenever Finn bit his bottom lip, he was hiding something. Something that would cause drama if someone found out about it. Also, crushing on the guy for years helped a little bit to figuring him out.

"I know you have a newfound love for Jesus or whatever but, Finn, you don't pray."

"Well I do now." Finn was so indignant about his new religion that he completely missed Kurt's subtle movement so that he could see what was behind Finn's back.

"Is that the sandwich from the fridge that you labelled 'Do NOT Eat'?" Kurt quirked an eyebrow.

"No!"

"Finn, I can see it. You're forgetting that I live in the same house as you. Now do I have to remind you about how unsanitary it is to have food in the same place as where unhealthy athletes come to sweat? Not to mention the bacteria going around. The saran wrap doesn't prevent all food bacteria, you know."

"I wasn't going to eat it!" Finn said before he realised that Kurt was way smart and was definitely going to figure it out.

"Then what were—oh. Finn, let me see that sandwich."

Finn, knowing his cause was lost, handed Kurt the plate.

Kurt began to laugh. "Oh my Gaga, this is Jesus Christ on a grilled cheese sandwich."

"It's a Grilled Cheesus!" Finn piped up unhelpfully.

"That is possibly the stupidest thing I've ever seen in my life. Also the blending of 'cheese' and 'Jesus' is completely childish. Why would you carry this around with you?"

Finn said nothing. Maybe Kurt hadn't figured it out after all. He was smart enough to know that you shouldn't tell people things presuming that they already know.

"No reason."

"Finn Hudson. Do you mean to tell me that you've been _praying_ to the grilled cheese?" Finn's slow nod make Kurt chuckle. "Okay, wow. You do realise that you can go to church to pray? Basically anywhere but a locker room and _to a sandwich_ no less."

"Don't laugh. I'm serious about this."

"I'm sure you are. You know my stance on religion so we won't discuss that again, but even an atheist like me is able to know that God is not listening to you through savoury food products!"

"Why are you shouting at me?" Finn shot back. Kurt sighed, dragging a hand down his face.

"I'm sorry I'm just on edge, I guess. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. If you want to pray for my dad, you should be allowed to. Even if it is to a sandwich."

Finn froze. He suddenly felt extremely guilty. Why hadn't he thought to pray to Grilled Cheesus about Burt's health? Instead he had prayed for the football game to win their first game and for Rachel to let him touch her boobs. He really _was_ an awful person. "Yeah."

"Finn…"

"Kurt."

"You _have_ been praying for my dad, haven't you?" Kurt felt _rage_. More rage than when Rachel Berry entered the building wearing a lemon yellow pantsuit.

"Of course I have!" Finn lied weakly. He was a _really_ bad liar. Especially to Kurt, who had the instincts of a bloodhound and could sniff out liars better than Coach Sylvester could.

"Liar. You haven't been praying for him at all. Tell me what you've been praying for that's so much more important than my last remaining blood relative." Kurt demanded to know what took priority in Finn's life.

"That's private!"

"I'm sure. Frankly, I'm certain I could guess. You're in the locker room, so I assume you've been praying for the football team to get its act together and win for the first time since I quit. What else is important in your life? Being quarterback. I'm sure you've prayed for that considering the fact that Sam was taken out of the practice yesterday due to a broken shoulder. And what else? You're a sexually-driven teen, I'm sure you've prayed to 'God' about getting places with Rachel. Am I on the right track?"

Finn just nodded in defeat, ready to take the punishment he deserved from his almost-brother.

Kurt's shoulders slumped as he fought off tears. He would not shed any more tears over Finn Hudson's selfishness. Instead, he was just _pissed_.

"How the fuck could you do that?! You visited my father lying helplessly in the hospital bed with no means of waking up from his injury! You _cried_! And here you are, being as selfish as you always have been! I guess precedent never changes, does it?"

Finn didn't know what the president had to do with Grilled Cheesus, but he didn't want to interrupt Kurt's speech.

"I knew you were self-absorbed, but this is a new low, even for you. I even had _Noah Puckerman_ , the one person who doesn't really give a shit about anything, hugging me and asking me if I was okay! That's something you've not even asked yet! My father could die and you're too concerned with getting laid! Rachel would be so offended if she found out that you prayed to God to get in her pants and she'd probably finish with you. You don't want that, do you? Not when you're quarterback and on top of the world! Well, listen here, I'm having the worst week of my life and you're not even kind enough to offer me support. I know I didn't want the girls praying for my dad, but they did it anyway! Because they _care_! I've apologised for my behaviour regarding their prayers and they're coming to the hospital tonight and every day after to pray for my father. And you're asking a fucking sandwich to make you quarterback again."

"Kurt, I get it."

"No. I don't think you do. If you did, you wouldn't have done it in the first place. If it were Carole who was in the hospital, I would be doing everything I could for you. Your homework, rides to the hospital, an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on. You've given me nothing! You're just too concerned with your image and your girlfriend to think about your family!

"And you had better apologise to Sam Evans. He's in the hospital too. They're fixing his shoulder and he's on morphine because the pain is too much. That's another injured or sick person that you don't give a shit about! Seriously, were you dropped on your head?"

"It wasn't my fault that Sam got hurt!"

"So you prayed to be quarterback and the quarterback mysteriously picks up a season-ending injury in _practice?_ I'm disgusted that you're not even taking responsibility. This, right here, is immature. You're no more of a man than a seven year old. You're selfish, unsupportive, self-absorbed and uncaring! Sort yourself out before you realise that you've alienated everybody who ever cared about you!" Kurt smashed his fist against the nearest locker, not even feeling the pain that shot through his bone. Realising that he was still holding the plate, he tossed it against the wall, the plate crashing to the floor in small fragments.

"Remember, the sandwich isn't good to eat." Kurt said moodily before storming out of the locker room. He needed to leave. He would skip afternoon classes and go the hospital. Maybe he would stop by and see Sam Evans before his visited his father. He would probably end up telling Sam what happened and apologising on Finn's behalf. He wasn't go to see his father in an angry state as he was now.

He just hoped Finn would grow the fuck up sometime soon.


	13. Religion

"Kurt, how can you not believe in God?" Mercedes muttered, thinking it was just one big joke.

Kurt sighed for what felt like the millionth time that day. His father was lying, broken, in a hospital bed and he was being questioned about his lack of _faith_? That did not sit well with Kurt.

"Mercedes, you've stated your opinion and I'm stating mine. There's no difference." Kurt slammed his locker and turned into the choir room where everybody else was assembled. The usual sympathetic glances met him and a slightly irritated one from Finn. Kurt sighed _yet again_ , not being able to deal with it. He was reaching the end of his tether and more judgement from Mercedes wasn't going to help much.

"The _difference_ is that you're dismissing something out of hand when you haven't really thought about it," Mercedes argued. Kurt knew that she had reached a line. He _really_ didn't like being told about himself, especially about something which was completely wrong. There was a time when Kurt had believed in God, but he simply didn't anymore. It was that plan.

"What's going on?" Tina asked inquisitively.

Kurt cut Mercedes off so the explanation was not as biased as he knew it was going to be. "Mercedes is displeased with me that I'm an Atheist and she is attempting to tell me that I'm not opening my eyes wide enough to see the supposed truth of God. I stated my opinion."

"You don't believe in God, Kurt?" Artie asked, confused. He always thought Kurt was religious. He used his name in vain a lot.

Kurt shook his head silently. Some whispers and gasps spread around the room and Kurt had finally had enough. As Mr. Schuester walked into the room, full of forced pep, he finally stood up.

"Mr. Schue, before you begin the lesson, I would just like to quickly address a hot-button issue in the room. And, _no_ , Santana, it's not my sexuality." Santana just grinned, remembering their conversation back in sophomore year.

"Fine with me, Kurt," Mr Schuester allowed, not really understanding where Kurt was going with this.

Kurt jutted his hip out and placed a hand on it. Sighing, he began his spiel. "First of all, my father's condition has worsened since last night, but only marginally. I appreciate all of your concerns in this situation." The Glee Club smiled widely, so far so good.

"But I would just like to state that I do not appreciate you all insisting that you pray for him in your respective religions. I think that your musical marks of respect have been beautiful, but I resent the use of religion to show it. I know that might seem selfish of me and you're all entitled to your own religion. I'm not disputing that at all. I just don't want to have to sit and watch you all pray and perform various religious services towards my father's comatose state of being.

"Let me explain something before I get interrogated. I used to believe in wholeheartedly in God. I used to attend Church every Sunday with my mother and she would sometimes read Biblical passages to me whenever there was something I needed to learn. I learned about the religious aspects of holidays such as Christmas and I liked that there was somebody watching over me. My mother used to say that God controlled everything and the God personified everything. Such ideas of pantheism were things that I agreed with her about.

"And then she passed away. There was no cause. She died in her sleep. She was fully healthy and there was no post-mortem diagnosis. It bemused the doctors and pathologists as well as my father and I. So then I simply stopped believing in God."

"You just _stopped_?" Mercedes said, the judgement emanating from her voice. Kurt had definitely decreased in her opinion, he was sure.

"Yes, Mercedes. I stopped. Because I couldn't believe that a being so potent and ameliorated would ever let something like this happen to my mother. She was a wonderful woman and she rarely put a toe out of line. She saved herself for marriage and she only birthed me after she had wed my father. Her religion was everything to her. So, how could God have taken her from me? From the world? People at the funeral said that my mother was "one of God's most important angels and he needed her by his side" and as soon as I heard that, I knew. I knew that it was all just speculation. I was aware of the ambiguity of it all, but my beliefs had come first.

"Now, I'm fairly certain that no God is watching over us. God wouldn't let my mother die. He wouldn't create human nature that is so judgemental and cruel to others. He wouldn't do any of these things to anybody. Surely he would make the world a nice place to live in harmony with everything. I also realised that religion was one of the focal points to many catastrophes such as the Holocaust and the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Genocide affects so many people. Finn's father was killed in Iraq. My father's cousin was murdered in a religiously motivated massacre in Iowa a few years back.

"How can I choose to believe in something so devastating and as equally confusing as other beliefs. I put my trust in what I can see and touch and hear. Science."

Mercedes scoffed. Wrong move.

"Mercedes Jones, I am _this_ close to throwing a sharp object at your head. How dare you mock my beliefs or lack thereof when I have just so clearly explained everything to you? Isn't religion about accepting everyone? I'm sure even your God would accept non-believers. After all, didn't he advocate free will or something and that's why he doesn't end war or famine? Yep, I'm pretty sure that's the most common story. And while I don't believe it anymore, I respect that others do. Quinn, Tina, Artie, Brittany, you all believe. I envy that you can put your faith into God so strongly. Especially you, Quinn. But I never begrudge _anyone_ the right to believe and you, Mercedes, are doing just that. As did you, Finn, earlier in the week."

Rachel punched his arm lightly.

"All melodrama aside, I refuse to be subjected to such judgement concerning this. If you all can't sort out your differences with my Atheism which, for your information, Mercedes, is also shared by Santana, I refuse to take part in Glee Club until my father wakes up. This is my ultimatum. Open your minds or I voluntarily suspend myself from the group pending further notice. What's is going to be?" Mercedes just shook her head. Kurt raised an eyebrow and turned on his heel, ignoring Mr. Schuester's pleads for him to stay. Silently, Santana leapt onto the floor and followed him, showing him the support that he had wished for since that week had begun.


	14. Bad Blood

Kurt knew that when Rachel Berry walked slowly into the choir room, covered in eggs, that Jesse St. James had crossed a line.

Kurt knew that when Finn, Puck, Mike, Matt and Artie got up, wanting to pummel Jesse for betraying them and egging their Team Captain, it would not do them much good, them or the team.

Kurt knew that when Santana said "Let June Squibb handle this", she meant him.

Kurt knew that he could handle it perfectly well without even having to throw a punch.

Puck snorted. "What is Lance Bass gonna do about this kid? Show him how to properly dance to Beyoncé?"

There was a condescending laugh from someone, Kurt rather thought it was Finn (and didn't that hurt just a little bit more than it should?) but he ignored it and turned to the door.

"Lady Demon is right," Kurt said with a nod to Santana. He turned to the group. "A cretin like Jesse St James and his ragtag team of automatons will not respond to physical violence. They only type of threat they'll respond to is what only Ursula over there and myself can bring. A sharpened, unmatched wit and a fabulous sense of fashion." As Mercedes went to protest, Kurt shut her down. "As we have so horribly just seen, Jesse is a monster and Rachel no doubt wants him to be eaten by a lion. He won't care if there are guys throwing punches. But underneath the bravado, Jesse is insecure. And troubled. And I'm going to tear him a new one."

Kurt raised an eyebrow and stormed out of the choir room.

The parking lot was, surprisingly, still occupied with the members of Vocal Adrenaline, Jesse included.

"St James, soulless automatons," Kurt regarded coolly. "I see that you run out of eggs. Well, now this will definitely not be a fair right at all. Still, I must make do with the situation at hand. I know that you all expected the more muscular Glee guys to come out and beat Jesse's ass. I'm guessing that's why you stuck around and placed a video camera in the window of VA Member #19's SUV to get it on tape and get them banned from Regionals, leaving you winners after thrashing Aural Intensity so hard that their weaves crumble into dust."

Jesse looked stunned, but tried to keep his show face on.

"I figure that you are all wondering how I know this. I will give you but one answer. I'm Kurt fucking Hummel and I have been drastically overlooked as a threat to your Glee Club, both in talent levels and in revenge. I may not be the strongest guy or the most popular guy but I have one connection which makes me stand out. A woman that is so cold hearted, doctors say that she might be part polar bear. A woman who cares for nothing but herself and, as it so happens, me. I'm definitely adept at revenge. But I don't want to risk getting caught, even though that would never happen. So I'm just going to leave your sorry asses alone so that I can leave you at the mercy of Sue Sylvester."

Kurt chuckled at the terrified faces of the Vocal Adrenaline members. He was positive someone wet themselves in the far corner.

"So you all know Ms. Sylvester for what she is. That's brilliant, you won't need acquainting. But before I let her take the reins of this little operation, I'm going to give you _one_ final warning. Particularly to you, Jesse St. James. I do not care if Shelby Corcoran is Rachel's mother. As far as I'm concerned, Shelby is weak and gave birth to a child for money. Sure, she helped a nice gay couple have a child, but there was always going to be a way for them to do it. That is the only quasi-connection Vocal Adrenaline has to the New Directions. Apart from the fact that we are going to absolutely obliterate you at Regionals."

Jesse still wasn't convinced. "Huh. And how are you going to do that, Hummel? Stop us from getting to competition?"

Kurt snorted. "Nothing so juvenile. That's practically the worst way of doing this. Oh no, you'll perform alright. Let's just see the true talent of Vocal Adrenaline when your little star is in a Zimmer frame."

That wiped the smile right off of Jesse's face and Kurt took so much satisfaction from this.

"You'll get done for assault!" Some girl in the back crowed.

Kurt put a stray hair back in its place. "Not likely. You see, both Sue Sylvester and I have an impeccable record when it comes to criminal injuries. Sue herself has pushed more faculty members down the stairs than there are members in Vocal Adrenaline. There will never be any kind of punishment and you will have absolutely no proof. Not even if you record Jesse's movements for the next few weeks. You'll never see us coming and that is a promise."

Jesse was officially scared.

"I see my point has finally reached you. This is a warning for you to never mess with any member of the New Directions ever again or I will personally see to it that you are all stuffed into a crate and sent off to Vanuatu with a message that says " _Feel free to eat us"_. Unless you want to be bacon rashers for some hungry Oceanians, I suggest that you stay the fuck away from us. Focus on not letting your lead singers be hit by a truck or dropped into a vat of corrosive acid because, I promise you, a storm is coming. And when it does, you'll be the first to know. Oh and your time is up." Kurt pulled out his phone and simply said "Now" and an army of Cheerios came out with buckets.

"What the hell is this Hummel?" Jesse asked warily.

The Cheerios began to toss eggs at them and Kurt laughed as they danced around the parking lot, feeling the eggs splattering against their faces. Santana tossed one to Kurt as they stopped throwing them. Kurt sauntered over to Jesse, smirking.

"H-How did you do this so fast?" Jesse asked.

Kurt snorted. "Are you _new_? Remember, I'm _Kurt fucking Hummel_." Kurt put his hand on the back of Jesse's head before splattering the egg against his forehead, watching the yolk drip down his face.

"Have fun at Regionals, bitches," Kurt turned around, satisfied with his efforts. High-fiving Santana, he raised an eyebrow and strutted back into the school, confident at the message had been received.

If anyone asked, Jesse St. James merely broke both of his arms doing extreme sports. And the months of intensive therapy were for the shock, not the trauma of being attacked by Sue Sylvester.

And Kurt? Nobody had seen Kurt sneak into the Carmel dressing room and alter the clothing of all the team members. If was almost as if he had never been there.

So when the replacement lead singer, Lila, found her dress sliding off her as she twirled, people called it the biggest show choir wardrobe malfunction ever.

But Kurt knew it for what it really was.


	15. What It Feels Like For A Kurt

"Come on, guys! You all need to learn that the girls aren't any different to you! You need to show some respect around them and stop objectifying them!"

"All of us?" Kurt raised a perfectly plucked eyebrow. Will frowned at him.

"Are you not a male, Kurt?"

Kurt stared, confused as to how Will could be so oblivious. "I am a male, Mr Schuester, of course I am. I am simply questioning why you insist that I learn lessons of respect towards women. Out of every person in this, I am the one who is most respectful to women. Speaking of, I have no idea why Mike and Matt are present, either. This is really just a lesson for Finn, Puck and Artie. But to make it seem like it's not just directed at them, you made us all do it."

Will tilted his head. "We all have something to learn from this."

It was Mike that interjected. "Mr Schue? Like ninety percent of Kurt's friends are girls. Every single girl in Glee Club adores him, even Santana and she hates everything that isn't Brittany."

Kurt smiled and retrieved the reins. "Whilst that is the most Michael has ever spoken in this room, his undoubtedly correct. If you asked Mercedes, Quinn, Tina, Rachel, Brittany or Santana about my treatment of them, all of them would so rightly tell you that I have nothing but utmost respect for them. The unbalanced treatment of women in society makes them work harder to achieve the same thing as we men do. It is absolutely preposterous yet they don't want to be treated different. You need to stop objectifying them, yes, but you also need to stop underestimating them.

"They aren't fragile. Rachel, Quinn, Santana and Mercedes are four of the boldest and strongest human beings I know. My mother was the same. I know what it feels like for them, Mr Schuester. I, too, am underestimated for something that I was born with. I too am objectified because of the way that I am. I'm not a girl but I'm probably the closest thing to understanding them that we can get in this room."

Will shook his head. "What's your point, Kurt?"

Kurt snorted. "My _point_ , Mr Schuester, is that I have no business being in this little campfire-life lesson _shit_."

"Language," Mr Schuester warned.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Should I be using my vocabulary to lecture others on how to treat members of the opposite sex when I have no idea how to do it myself? Because that is what you are doing, Mr Schuester, and it is extremely hypocritical."

"Kurt, this is—."

"No, this is my turn to voice my opinions and I will not have you interrupting. I am quite close with Miss Pillsbury, Mr Schuester. We talk a lot. We are friends. She has told me a lot about how you treat her. You treat her like she has to want you and that because you left your wife and Coach Tanaka left her, it leaves her obligated to be with you! Women have choices, Mr Schuester. Women can be single. Mercedes, Brittany and Santana are doing it. Women don't need controlling men you like to empower them. The whole point of this lesson, if you had one, should be to encourage individual empowerment of the girls. Their _Express Yourself_ number, while I was distraught to not perform it with them, should have been a sign that they want to be viewed as people, not accessories to men!"

Mr Schuester saw red. "Kurt, my personal life is no concern of yours."

"It is when you're questioning how I spend mine. Men feel uncomfortable around me, Mr Schue, and you're no exception to this. You pat everyone on the shoulders, every other boy in this room. But you've never once even thought of touching me like that. Is that in case I get the wrong impression and try to convert you? Is it because you think you'll catch the _gay_ like the hockey team does? Whatever it is, I don't care for it. But you _need_ to stop preaching about how you're the epicentre of equality and that we should all follow suit. That is not how I want to be spending my time in Glee. In fact, I have a Madonna number of my own that I would like to perform right now. And you're going to listen to every single word of it."

Kurt stepped away from the piano and whispered his selection to the band. They started up the music and Kurt began to sing. Mike and Matt quickly hurried to back him up, recognising the song.

_Take a bow, the night is over This masquerade is getting older Lights are low, the curtains down There's no one here (There's no one here, there's no one in the crowd)_

_Say your lines but do you feel them_ _Do you mean what you say_ _When there's no one around_ _(No one around)_ _Watching you, watching me, one lonely star_ _(One lonely star you don't know who you are)_

 _I've always been in love with you_ _(Always with you)_ _I guess you've always known it's true_ _(You know it's true)_ _You took my love for granted, why? Oh, why?_ _The show is over, say goodbye_ _Say goodbye_ _(Bye, bye)_ _Say goodbye_

 _Make them laugh, it comes so easy_ _When you get to the part_ _Where you're breaking my heart_ _(Breaking my heart)_ _Hide behind your smile, all the world loves a clown_ _(Just make 'em smile, the whole world loves a clown)_

 _Wish you well, I cannot stay_ _You deserve an award for the role that you played_ _(Role that you played)_ _No more masquerade, you're one lonely star_ _(One lonely star and you don't know who you are)_

 _I've always been in love with you_ _(Always with you)_ _I guess you've always known it's true_ _(You know it's true)_ _You took my love for granted, why? Oh, why?_ _The show is over, say goodbye_

 _I've always been in love with you_ _(Always with you)_ _I guess you've always known it's true_ _(You know it's true)_ _You took my love for granted, why? Oh, why?_ _The show is over, say goodbye_ _Say goodbye_ _(Bye, bye)_ _Say goodbye_

 _All the world is a stage_ _(World is a stage)_ _And everyone has their part_ _(Has their part)_ _But how was I to know which way the story'd go_ _How was I to know you'd break_ _(You'd break, you'd break, you'd break)_ _You'd break my heart_

 _I've always been in love with you_ _(I've always been in love with you)_ _Guess you've always known_ _You took my love for granted, why? Oh, why?_ _The show is over, say goodbye_

 _I've always been in love with you_ _(Always with you)_ _I guess you've always known it's true_ _(You know it's true)_ _You took my love for granted, why? Oh, why?_ _The show is over, say goodbye_ _Say goodbye_ _(Bye, bye)_ _Say goodbye_

_Say goodbye_

Kurt didn't wait for any applause, he knew that such a thing would be fruitless. "Do you see, Mr. Schuester? How hypocritical you've been with your lessons? Sometimes I wonder whether you're teaching us about acceptance and tolerance and equality or teaching yourself? You walked past the dumpsters every day when Puck threw me in there! Puck has apologised for his actions. Have you? Not even a little bit.

"I don't know about you, but I'm tired of this. I came here to sing, not to be constantly overlooked and then lectured about things that do not concern me because you want to fix your own issues. I'm done with this. I'll be back next week, Mr. Schuester. I love Madonna, but she would have been absolutely appalled at what you're trying to do. At least I have the Cheerios for when I want to perform."

Kurt was out of the door in seconds, surprised when heard two other voices. But they were not Mr. Schuester's trying to protest.

"I'm out, too, Mr. Schuester. What you're doing is wrong," Mike said to the teacher, following Kurt.

"Same for me. I have nothing but respect for women," Matt added, following the other boys out of the door.

"Why did you guys defend me?" Kurt asked, confused.

Mike smiled. "My grandmother is big on gender equality. I've always treated women equally. I'm a huge feminist and Mr. Schue was not cool. Hey, I'm sorry that I didn't do more to stop the bullies. I didn't join in, but I didn't stop them either."

"Mike, that's fine. I don't hold it against you. You're naturally introverted. They wouldn't have listened to you, anyway."

Mike's hand suddenly slipped into Kurt's. "Still, I want to make it up to you."

"I think that can be arranged," Kurt smirked, walking down the hallway with Mike's hand in his and Matt's arm slung around his shoulders.


	16. Audition

Kurt could not _fucking_ believe it.

Here he was, dressed in his best Shakespeare chic outfit and was about to kiss _Rachel Berry_ in order to secure the part of Tony in _West Side Story_ so that he could get in NYADA and she _moves_.

She fucking moves.

And then they start to laugh. Artie. Pillsbury. Beiste. Three people who have reasons to be accepting. Artie is paralysed. Miss Pillsbury is OCD and Beiste, as Mr Schuester always so willingly reminded them, was an outcast among females.

So for all four of them, including Rachel, to laugh at him for playing a role, that was wholly unacceptable and they needed to be educated.

"Excuse me!" He demanded their attention with his loud voice. They all turned and Rachel jumped. "At least you know my projection is on point.

"What you just did was insanely rude. Since I realise that my last audition was obviously way too gay for you all to take seriously regarding my actual talent, I decided to show you a drama piece. From the origin of the musical. That showed that I know about the musical. I performed that scene well and I know that I did. So why did you all laugh? Was it because I was about to kiss a girl? Because I've done that before. Brittany, sophomore year. Was it because I was playing a straight character? Because I've done that before. Riff Raff, junior year. So neither of these things is news to any of you. So what I don't understand is why all four of you were so obviously disrespectful and felt the need to insult my performance _again_. Yes, I heard everything in the teacher's lounge, obviously I was eavesdropping. Coach Beiste, I apologise that I don't get your lady parts tingling but that was never my intention. I realise that Tony is supposed to be suave and sexy and that is what rehearsal is for. Sure, I might not be the most obviously alluring male at this school but I can play a character like that. I plan on auditioning for NYADA later this year and this is going to kick start my acting career and I was hoping for a little bit of professional courtesy to segue my way into that. Apparently, I was wrong to hope. You know what? I don't even want to be in this musical anymore. It is completely obvious that my boyfriend is going to attain the role of Tony and I don't blame you. He's perfect for it. I never really stood a chance did I?"

Artie put up a hand. "Kurt, we—."

"Do I _look_ like I'm done talking, Arthur? _No_. But then again, none of you seem to want to pay attention to social cues, when or when not to do something. Laugh about me behind my back all you want, but I'm not even sure you realise how uncouth it is to insult an actor's performance _during_ the performance. So I will sit in the audience and cheer on my friends but I will not participate in this show. I will instead audition for Lima community theatre's production of _Pippin_ , a lead role I know that I can secure without being judged by the panel."

He turned to Rachel. "You're my best friend. We've rehearsed this. We did it perfectly the last time we practised." His voice turned softer. "Why did you do this? I'm completely livid at the panel, but I'm utterly disappointed in you, Rachel. I can't believe that you did this. I understand not wanting to do the kiss with your best friend, but to laugh about it and then try to apologise? No thank you. I hope you get the role of Maria. Those three would be stupid not to cast you. As wildly talented as Mercedes really is, Maria isn't right for her. I hope you don't move out of the way when Blaine tries to kiss you, Rachel. Of course not, because my boyfriend is the one that everyone wants, right? He's right for Tony, right to be the new Glee Club leading male, he's right for every girl that eyes me with a bitter expression because I'm with him? Apologies, I seem to have been diverted onto a tangent. Nevertheless, you four just confirmed my inferiority complex so, thank you. Just as Blaine was teaching me how to love myself and to be sexy by believing in myself, here you all are to tear that right back down again. I'm telling Mr Schuester that I'm out. Good luck with the show. I hope Blaine doesn't cause too many problems with you. You know, I hear that he's gay too. Maybe he'll struggle to cause a party in your pants just like I did.

"Or maybe I'll just take my scaffolding with me. Who knows, I might use my sai swords offensively this time. Good day."

Kurt turned away, consumed with rage and anguish. That was the most humiliating experience of his life and he had been hoisted up the flagpole for the whole school to see.

No, this was the year of Kurt. He wasn't about to let it go in a hurry. He would pursue other projects. He didn't need them.

Not anymore.


	17. Cheaters

Kurt walked into the choir room, all guns blazing.

Ever since Sam had beaten Karofsky up for him, the two had bonded and thus kept contact during his stay at Dalton. The two traded texts, phone calls, Skype calls and met up whenever they could.

He wanted his return to McKinley, despite its brevity, to be filled with happy laments of seeing him again or maybe an impromptu performance of some kind. He hadn't been singing a lot since Dalton. He performed to himself in the practise room as often as he could, but the Dalton set lists were pretty much restricted to Blaine singing and everybody else doo wopping behind him.

But, unfortunately, that was not the reason for his visit.

"K-Kurt?" Will spluttered, completely shocked to see his former countertenor walk straight into the room with a vengeance, apparently.

"Hello, Mr Schuester. I hope you are well. I apologise for not informing you of my visit prior to today, but this is something that I need to do."

Kurt shot Sam a small smile from his seat in the corner of the room. He saw Quinn sitting on Finn's lap, smiling happily at him. It was clear to Kurt that Quinn had no idea about his friendship with Sam and neither did Finn.

"Are you transferring back, Kurt?" Tina asked hopefully.

Kurt shook his head. "Unfortunately, not. Though, if I was, I'm not sure I would return to the Glee Club."

Rachel looked shocked. "What? Kurt, why?" Since the beginning of their truce/friendship thing, Rachel had come to understand Kurt more. She knew that he didn't say things lightly and that he meant every single word.

"Well, Rachel, as much as I love this club, I cannot return to a place that has been filled with maliciousness and mindless adultery."

Everyone leaned in curiously. Quinn and Finn took a breath. Kurt stood right in front of them.

"I hope you know how absolutely livid I am with you two."

Finn acted dumb.

Quinn nodded sadly.

"Don't do that, Fabray. Those eyes do not work on me. I invented that. Let me ask you both something. Have you even _apologised_?"

"What's going on?" Mike muttered lowly but Kurt heard him.

"Hello, Michael. What's going on is that Toxic Skank Barbie and Frankenstein over here have completely messed with the emotions of my best friend and I will not allow it."

Mercedes frowned. "No, they haven't."

Kurt's eyes darkened. "Oh, please, Mercedes, please do not pretend like we're half as close as we used to be. I was reading through all the texts you sent me while I was at Dalton and—oh wait. There _were none_ , were there? I seem to have fallen out of your mind and disappeared once I was no longer around to hold your hand and be your gay best friend, because that's all I was to you now, wasn't it?"

Tina scowled. She knew how much Kurt hated that.

"That's not true, Kurt! I miss you."

"Okay. But I don't believe you."

"So who is this 'best friend' then?" Mercedes asked.

"Are you all seriously this blind? Never mind. Almost everyone in here is caught up in their own drama to notice much of everyone else's. So let me make this perfectly clear.

"Quinn. Finn. The way you hurt Sam is beyond what I ever expected of both of you. Quinn, you've already done this once. Finn, you've been hurt by this twice! Once by the girl who is currently practically straddling you. I cannot even fathom how you even thought about doing this."

"Kurt, we—," Quinn began.

"Don't even talk about this to me. I'm furious. I can only begin to imagine how Sam feels. Being betrayed by his girlfriend and one of his supposed best friends. You two, I can't even find the words. I know Sam is much too polite to even think about shouting at you so I'm going to do it for him."

Quinn winced. She knew how bad this could get.

"I guess I'll start with you, Finn. Have you no consideration for the lives of other people? Especially your friends. First it was a simple slushy that I took for you without so much as a _thank you_. Next, it's so many other things that you just don't show appreciation for. Things get handed to you on a plate because you're naturally content with your lackadaisical lifestyle and people take pity on your below average intelligence."

Before Finn could even have the grace to look ashamed, Kurt continued on. "Then, Quinn slept with Puck and got pregnant, saying the baby was yours even though you were still a virgin. She cheated on you and you were disgusted. But you were perfectly content to move on because you also cheated with Rachel."

"What?" Quinn gasped.

"Pipe down, Stretch Marks. I'll get to you.

"Then, Finn, you were dumped by Rachel and realised that you wanted Quinn back once again. Because you couldn't have her. Because she was dating the one person who would treat her right all the time and would love her. So you set up the kissing booth. Don't think I don't know about your whorish way of raising money for Regionals. It's honestly disgraceful. If a girl did that, she would be branded a slut. But yet all the girls here seemed to happily play along. But there was only one that you really wanted. _Quinn_. So you tried to fool Sam. Your stupid choking story didn't fool him. Of course it didn't, Sam isn't stupid. He played along because he wanted to know how it would unfold. And boy, did it unfold. Thanks to Santana's genius plan to expose you, you were officially caught. You hurt him, badly, and the results are completely unacceptable. You two won't last. You never would. High school politics pushes you together until you realise that Quinn only wants you, Finn, for Prom Queen votes and Finn only wants you, Quinn, because you were unavailable. You love the chase, don't you? And now that have her, you're finding yourself just a little bit bored already. And you've hurt Sam to boot. Congratulations."

Finn looked furious but knew that Kurt was right. Sam was silently crying at how his best friend would go to any lengths to defend him.

" _Quinn Fabray_ ," Kurt sneered viciously. "You used to be one of my closest friends. But now you've hurt my best. And that does not sit well with me, as you know. How _dare_ you repeat your foolish actions of sophomore year? After hours of crying with me because you wanted forgiveness and too erase your mistake from the world and do it again? I don't think so. You deserve everything that you get because this was downright malicious. I've always known that you had the capacity to be utterly ruthless, but I thought that it was only when you needed to be. I guess I overestimated you. You're selfish, cruel and I think that you need to step back and take a long, hard look at yourself. Quinn. I know your secret. The one that you try to push away. But it'll always be a huge part of you. You will never be able to escape it. I guess it just proves how weak you are. You couldn't even face up to Sam and admit that you wanted to break up because you were feelings things for Finn. You had to cheat. Sam already had severe trust issues and you know that, everyone knows that. And now? They're more prominent than ever. I hope Sam doesn't mind me saying this, but he was heartbroken when he found out about you. You're a whore, Quinn."

Quinn had retaken her own seat and Finn got up from his.

"What the hell, dude? You have no right to talk to her like that!"

"It's a little late to defend her honour, Finn! Not when she's a righteous skank who hurts everybody she lays her eyes on. I hope you win Prom Queen, Quinn. Because when you do, I'm going to drop a bucket of manure on your beautiful dress and ruin your pictures. And that's the tamest option available. Santana wanted to actually flay you."

Santana nodded unashamedly.

"The only I stopped her is because Sam didn't want that for you. See, even after all of this, he's looking out for you. I hope that, when you finally realise how awesome he was, he's dating someone, just so it hurts _you_.

"I swear to Gucci, if either of you hurt anyone else in this room, I'm going to come back to McKinley again to make your life a living hell."

Kurt looked around the room. "Sam, I'll come back after school so that I can pick you up, okay? Okay, bye everyone."

Kurt left the room, leaving everyone shocked, impressed and sad.

"I miss him," Brittany whined. "But he's right."

Sam smiled. "I asked him not to do that."

Quinn smiled back. "Thank you, Quinn."

"Oh no, don't take this as me forgiving you. You're still an evil she-demon from the very depths of Hell, but he can be cruel. He's right, but blunt." Sam rolled his eyes and Mr Schuester tuned back in.

"Okay, so Journey songs…"


	18. It's Not Right...And It Is NOT Okay!

"This is for anyone who's ever been cheated on," Blaine smirked, looking straight at Kurt, causing everybody to look over to him, confused. None of them would have ever believed that Kurt would cheat on Blaine, not after the last incident with Sam. Kurt had been enraged that they would believe a stupid rumour, and more so that Finn and Rachel were so distrusting of them they had thought to stake him out.

Kurt looked at the amused face of Santana who knew full well that he hadn't cheated on Blaine. Quinn just looked bored. Joe was looking at him like he had just kicked a puppy. Brittany was frowning at Blaine, wondering why he was looking at Kurt with that weird expression. Rachel, Finn, Mike, Tina and Puck were just looking at him with disbelieving eyes. Rory didn't really know what was happening. Mercedes was filing her nails, bored with the recent drama and just wanted to pay tribute to Whitney instead. Sam was sat next to him. He nudged Kurt, frowning. Kurt just shook his head lightly, denying Blaine's accusation.

"This is insane! I didn't _cheat_ on you!" Kurt held up his hands, deciding to just let Blaine make a fool out of himself before Kurt utterly schooled him in the art of proving somebody wrong. He already knew what song Blaine had chosen even before the music kicked in. Blaine was just…that predictable.

Brittany looked at Blaine pointedly. "Cheetahs have the fastest land speed of any living animal." Santana rubbed her arm as Blaine began to sing _It's Not Right, But It's Okay,_ prancing around the room, jumping on the piano. Kurt made a mental note to tell Brad that Blaine had his dirty shoes on his piano. Kurt jumped on the piano, sure, but Brad liked him and usually he was lying on it or sitting on it. He never stood. Blaine _always_ jumped on furniture and it was hilarious to watch sometimes.

" _Was it really worth you going out like that, yeah?"_ Blaine sang as Rachel, Finn, Mercedes, Artie and Puck got up and starting harmonising with Blaine, moving around him in an almost choreographed manner. Kurt knew that they hadn't planned it, that was impossible. Blaine had clearly expected the whole Glee Club to get up and join him. Even his performance face was dismayed when only five did. Kurt was quite hurt that Mercedes, Rachel and Finn had joined in. He wasn't particularly close to Artie or Puck so that was fine. Apparently, they were 'bros' with Blaine anyway. Mr Schuester just watched with tired eyes.

As his song came to a close, nobody clapped. Blaine pouted slightly and then turned to Kurt. He stood up calmly and Santana almost wet herself with excitement.

"Blaine, what the actual _fuck_ did you just do?"

Blaine faced him with angry eyes. "You _cheated_ on me Kurt, that means something to me. So I called you out on it, as we're encouraged to use song to do. I kept within the criteria of the assignment and I knocked it out of the park, if I do say so myself. So I honestly do not understand what your problem is with my song. If anything, you caused this song."

Kurt sighed once before launching into his spiel. "Blaine. I did not cheat on you. I simply exchanged text messages with a boy. Hell, the ones I have from Santana are much juicier. Even Sam and I sometimes flirt over texting. I'm not cheating on you with Sam and Santana am I?

"But while we're on the subject, may we journey back to earlier this year when you were in contact with the smirking Meerkat Sebastian Smythe?" Blaine flushed. "Those texts were definitely less than family friendly."

"So you looked through my phone as well? Something you got angry at me for last night?" Blaine challenged, throwing his hands up.

"No, Blaine, I'm not that obsessive. Sebastian forwarded some of them to me. And your replies. I saved them to my phone for any future situations such as this one. Shall I read some to you as well as your backup singers? How is this for enlightenment?"

Blaine suddenly paled. Rachel looked at him stormily.

Kurt pulled out his phone and scrolled up to his messages with Sebastian. "Sebastian said 'How hard are you right now?' and you replied with 'Harder than I've ever been before. You're so good at this, Bas.'. Another time, Sebastian said 'I bet Kurt doesn't make you feel like this' and you replied with 'Never'. So if I'm supposed to believe that harmless flirting with a guy I'm not even interested in is worse than what you've done, then I don't see any reason why this relationship should continue."

"You're breaking up with me?"

"Isn't it about time?

"You constantly talking about how much you love me, yet you don't hesitate to jump into sexting another guy, one who you knew would give you all the attention that you think you deserve. You were Dalton's golden boy and you transferred here. Not for me, so don't give me that shit again. You wanted to take the thing that was mine. To make sure I didn't ever get any solos. We both got lines at Sectionals, but you pushed me out of Regionals. You took the lead role from me when you knew I needed it for NYADA. You don't care about me. You care about how I make you feel! So you overlook all of your wrongdoings and focus on the things that show you that I'm not giving you all of my attention!"

"How can you say that?"

"Because it's true! And don't even try to deny it! Even when we were at Dalton, you constantly stepped on everything I tried to achieve! You realised you 'loved me' when Pavarotti died. A fucking _bird_ , Blaine. Not when it was Valentine's and I was expressing my feelings for you. But you loved rejecting me, didn't you? Because it gave you power. You _loved_ talking to me about how I didn't know how to be sexy and—."

"Oh, hold the fuck up!" Santana interjected, glaring at Blaine. "You told him that he didn't know how to be sexy? How jacked up is it? Kurt is the only guy hear who has gained interest from every single Cheerio on the squad, male and female. Clearly that video of 4 Minutes that I sent to you had absolutely not really effect. You just jump around the room, climbing on the accompaniment and make singing faces that should only be made during sweaty sex with old eastern European guys."

Blaine's jaw dropped before Kurt took over.

"Thank you, Santana. Now, Blaine, if you think that this wasn't a long time coming then you're wrong. You'd happily talk sexy with Sebastian, but the only time you actually wanted to have sex with me was when Artie told you if would help you with playing Tony more convincingly! How is that supposed to make me feel? You know, I'm surprised I actually haven't cheated on you yet. You're a terrible boyfriend and we're officially over. I'll have no more of this. Oh, and to the groupies singing with him, I appreciate your support. So Rachel, when you need help with NYADA, you can ask Blaine. Finn, when you want somebody to make you warm milk and talk about what you're doing with your life, you can ask Blaine. I'll be better without you, Blaine. Just watch me."

Santana smirked as Kurt left the choir room, with Sam's hungry eyes following him out the door. _Oh yeah_ , she thought. _Kurt's gonna be so much better without Frodo and with Fish Lips on his arm._ Hevans was so on.


	19. Prom Queen

Kurt appraised Blaine with a small smile. "Let's go back in there."

Blaine didn't take his hand like Kurt expected him to. Kurt chalked it down to Blaine's Sadie Hawkins experience, but this wasn't his battle. This was Kurt's hill to climb and he wanted Blaine with him. Blaine slipped back into the gymnasium and Kurt followed, taking a deep breath to ground him. He felt the blood pound in his head and took his steps, one foot systematically moving in front of the other.

"You can do this Kurt," Kurt whispered to himself as he re-entered the gym.

Principal Figgins looked at him sympathetically as he took the stage. Santana rubbed his shoulder gently and Quinn looked apathetic. Kurt wanted to roll his eyes at her. She had been so obsessed with her campaign lately that she had been a shell of herself. Kurt absent-mindedly hummed Katy Perry at somebody put the crown on his head.

Of all the times that Kurt Hummel pictured himself fabulously dressed looking out into the bright lights and an audience, this was probably the one he would have put last on the list of 'Most Likely To Actually Happen'. Even before that would be him playing Elphaba on Broadway.

Kurt channelled his inner diva and thought of Cady Heron and all the things he would have said if he were her. He knew that everybody expected a speech. That was why that were looking at him intensely, some smirking and some were looking sad. Kurt wanted to scoff at them. It was mainly Rachel and Mercedes, but still. Brittany smiled at him, knowing the scope of the situation. You could say a lot of things about Brittany Pierce, but you could never say that she was oblivious.

"Being Prom Queen is something I would have never expected in my entire life. Mainly because I'm a boy, but that's beside the point.

"I know that this little gesture was supposed to hurt me. But, _really_ , you gave me a tiara and a fairy godmother wand. This is amazing. I mean, I haven't even _been_ here for most of this year and I'm still popular enough to be in the forefront of your mind. If I got enough votes to beat Lauren, Quinn and Santana, you must all love me a lot."

There were a few laughs and Kurt caught the supportive gazes of his friends. Sam gave him a thumbs up. Blaine…well, Kurt had absolutely no clue as to where Blaine was.

"But if I was looking at this impartially, this is the biggest act of ignorance I have ever experienced. And I've had my car vandalised, countless slushy facials and more locker shoves than I care to admit. But this, public humiliation, is rare. Even being tied to the flagpole in middle school was less embarrassing. Because I was still being myself.

"You all have emasculated me in ways that I thought beyond even the prejudices of this school. And I transferred because of everything that happened here. But I came back, thinking that everything was fine and that you had all evolved from the primordial oozes you were. How wrong was I?"

Kurt scoffed to himself. "You all know that Prom Queen should have been Santana Lopez, don't you? Her running mate won, yet you thought that proving a point was more important than deciding who you wanted to represent our class in the Prom Court." Kurt laughed to himself, thinking about the irony of Karofsky getting crowned King. He glanced at the boy, who smiled before looking apologetic. Kurt wondered absently if he was in on this little game.

"But I'll sleep tonight knowing that I am so much better than all of you who wrote me in. Not in an arrogant way, _of course_ , but morally. Well, and also in an arrogant way. You'll see when I'm famous, I promise you."

Santana whistled her appreciation.

"So, now, that I'm your Queen for the next year, you're going to let me sing something. And, yes, this is a girl's song. Because only women truly appreciate class. Santana, Britt-Britt?"

The devil in the red dress smirked and waved Brittany up to the stage. The rest of the kings and queens made way for the performance as the music started. Those who recognised it smirked and those who didn't frowned curiously.

Kurt stepped up and began to sing with Brittany and Santana provided the backing vocals.

_There's only two types of people in the world The ones that entertain, and the ones that observe Well baby I'm a put-on-a-show kinda girl Don't like the backseat, gotta be first (oh, oh)_

_I'm like the ringleader_ _I call the shots (call the shots)_ _I'm like a firecracker_ _I make it hot_ _When I put on a show_

 _I feel the adrenaline moving through my veins (hah, hah, hah)_ _Spotlight on me and I'm ready to break (hah, hah, hah)_ _I'm like a performer, the dancefloor is my stage (hah, hah, hah)_ _Better be ready, hope that ya feel the same (hah, hah, hah)_

 _All the eyes on me in the center of the ring_ _Just like a circus (ah, ah, ahaha-hah)_ _When I crack that whip, everybody gonna trip_ _Just like a circus (ah, ah, ahaha-hah)_ _Don't stand there watching me, follow me_ _Show me what you can do_ _Everybody let go, we can make a dancefloor_ _Just like a circus (ah, ah, ahaha-hah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ho, ho, ho)_

 _There's only two types of guys out there,_ _Ones that can hang with me, and ones that are scared_ _So baby I hope that you came prepared_ _I run a tight ship, so beware_

 _I'm like a ring leader,_ _I call the shots (call the shots)_ _I'm like a fire cracker,_ _I make it hot_ _When I put on a show._

 _Let's go..(ah, ah, ahaha-hah)_ _Let me see what you can do..(ah, ah, ahaha-hah)_ _I'm running this._ _Yeah, like what..?_

 _All the eyes on me in the center of the ring_ _Just like a circus (ah, ah, ahaha-hah)_ _When I crack that whip, everybody gonna trip_ _Just like a circus (ah, ah, ahaha-hah)_ _Don't stand there watching me, follow me_ _Show me what you can do_ _Everybody let go, we can make a dancefloor_ _Just like a circus (ah, ah, ahaha-hah)_ _All the eyes on me in the center of the ring_ _Just like a circus (ah, ah, ahaha-hah)_ _When I crack that whip, everybody gonna trip_ _Just like a circus (ah, ah, ahaha-hah)_ _Don't stand there watching me, follow me_ _Show me what you can do_ _Everybody let go, we can make a dancefloor_ _Just like a circus (ah, ah, ahaha-hah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ho, ho, ho)_

Kurt shot his hand straight up into the air and looked into the crowd, most of whom began to clap. Some didn't, unsurprisingly. Kurt smirked at the cheering crowd and said six words which encapsulated his feelings.

"Eat your heart out, Kate Middleton."


	20. A Friend In Need

"Artie's dad can drive him, right Artie?" Rachel pouted as she realised that rehearsal time would have to be postponed in order to sort out and raise money for transportation to Sectionals.

Mr Schuester groaned. "Guys, look, when I was in Glee Club, the bus ride to Sectionals was amazing. We had never felt more like a team then when we rehearsed our numbers on the bus."

Santana waved a hand. "I'm sure that was a jolly good time back in the 1500's, Mr Schue, but most of us will be riding the bus with our iPods in our ears, anyway. And I'm sure that Artie doesn't mind his dad driving him around."

Artie smiled sheepishly. "Oh, no it's fine. Honestly, Mr Schuester, my dad drives me most places anyway."

"Thanks, Artie." Quinn smiled at Artie gratefully and the boy blushed, unsure that Quinn Fabray had ever even looked at him before, let alone actually _smiled_. Sure, he was kinda into Tina, but that didn't mean that he couldn't notice when other girls smiled at him. And Quinn was with Finn anyways. Even if she wasn't, she would never go for him.

"You're a good man, Artie," Puck hollered from the back, getting agreements from Brittany, Tina, Mike and Mercedes. Only Mr Schuester noticed the dismayed look on Artie's face when they promptly moved on.

"I can _not_ believe that I'm hearing this," A grumble from the back made everyone frown. Mercedes put a gentle hand on Kurt's thigh to calm him, but he stood up, virtually leaping over Quinn to get to the front. "Mr Schuester, I'd like the floor." It was a demand rather than a request.

Mr Schuester, impressed by Kurt's comradery rather than his usual standoffish nature, let him have it.

"Mr Schuester, I have a solution to the problem at hand. My father owns a relatively successful tire shop and he deals in vehicular requirements of many natures. I know for a fact that I could procure a bus with wheelchair access for the New Directions free of charge. The manager of a state business will do a lot of things for free if you braid his niece's hair once in a while so that he doesn't have to."

"Nice job, Kurt!" Finn pumped his fist enthusiastically. Usually, Kurt would have been melting at the direct contact from Finn Hudson, but he was much too pissed off to care. Rachel beamed at him.

"Mr Schuester, I have presented a Plan B in case we don't manage to raise the funds. But we're still going to do the bake sale and various other methods of fundraising ourselves."

Will, not really understanding where Kurt was going, frowned but nodded anyway.

"So…are we getting the free bus or not?" Finn wondered, his dopey expression far more sincere than humanely possible.

"If all else fails, then yes. But not until this club has exhausted every fundraising method we can think of. And I'm going to sit back and watch you all think of ways not to be selfish assholes for once in your lives."

Everyone gasped. Will stifled a chuckle but didn't stop him, contrary to Rachel's silent suggestions.

"Not that this means anything to any of you, but I am absolutely disgusted with how Artie has been treated today. Not a single one of you has gone to bat for him today. Not of us know what is must be like for Artie. Hell, two of us in the room even tried to put copious amounts of superglue under his wheels not so long ago." Kurt glared at Puck and Finn, the latter hanging his head at least a little shamefully.

"I don't want to patronise Artie here, but he is unable to do something that we take for granted every single day. And you're all just forgetting that he's a part of the team simply because it's an extra effort to get the bus. Just because Artie _could_ ride with his father does not mean that he _should_.

"He is a very valuable member of this club and if you've even paid attention when he's singing, you would know that. Let's say that the only bus we could get was commandeered by a homophobic bus driver who refused to drive the bus with me on it. I suppose you'd just let me drive there myself. Right, Rachel?"

Rachel looked furious at the insinuation. "Absolutely _not._ My two gay dads would be shoving the law in the hypothetical man's face so quickly he wouldn't even be able to spell the word 'bus'."

Kurt gaped at her. "Are you serious? So if one of your fathers were paraplegic, I'm guessing you would invest a lot more effort into raising the money, wouldn't you?"

Rachel flapped her mouth open and closed, but Kurt simply pressed on.

"No, I do not even want a response from, you Rachel. You're cruel and petty. So, New Directions, I have an ultimatum for you. Either we all raise money for the bus we need to take Artie with us, or you try and find a twelfth member for the club because I am not performing at Sectionals with selfish imbeciles."

"Kurt—," Will began, but Kurt stopped him as politely as possible.

"I'm sorry, Mr Schuester, but that is simply how I feel. I love this club and being in it, despite my lack of solos, but I refuse to perform amongst the self-obsessed morons with superiority complexes."

Will just nodded in defeat.

"So I propose this and I hope Mr Schuester enforces this as a good idea. Everyone must spend at least two hours every school day in a wheelchair. We run the bake sale in wheelchairs and we have Glee in wheelchairs. Plus, we choreograph a number in wheelchairs to show our unconditional support for our friend. I will even provide the wheelchairs."

Will smiled, impressed once more by Kurt's ideas. "Alright, guys, you heard the man. Starting tomorrow, we run the bake sale and other fundraising ventures you might want to start on your own. And the wheelchair thing is a rule. I'll think up some song selections. Good thinking, Kurt. I'm proud of you."

Kurt simply nodded and took the empty seat beside Artie before the bell rang.

Noticing that the boy's shoelaces were untied, Kurt knelt down and began to tie them in record time.

"Hey, Kurt?"

"Arthur?"

"Nobody has ever gone to bat for me like that before besides my parents. It means a great deal to me that you would put my interests before the team's."

"Think nothing of it. It's cruel of them and it shows poor teamwork. Everything I'm involved in has to be nothing but perfection."

Artie chuckled. "Well, thank you anyway. I have an idea about how to repay you, but that'll have to wait."

"Until I'm not on my knees in front of you," Kurt winked.

Artie stopped a blush from flooding his face but laughed anyway. "I don't think the closed-minded fools of McKinley could appreciate the hotness."

"I don't doubt that," Kurt smirked as he stood up and pushed Artie to his next class.

"Kurt, you have French now, that's all the way across the building from where I'm headed. You don't have to push me there."

"Oh, please. I'm fluent. Plus, I'm basically a ninja. I can sneak in there and make Mrs. Michaelson believe that I've been there the whole time."

Artie smiled up at the boy pushing him, grateful that he had a friend who was there for him in his hour of need.


	21. Moist Towelette

Kurt just _stood_ there in his own basement, watching his first love rip apart his entire personality, homophobic slurs pouring from his mouth like acid, corrosive and burning through Kurt's heart.

"…this _faggy_ lamp! And then we need to get rid of this _faggy_ couch cover!" Finn threw the cover across the room.

Kurt steeled himself before unleashing a scream so loud and hoarse that it ripped his throat apart. Maybe it sounded maniacal, he didn't care. He needed to make his point.

"Are you going to actually _communicate_ or just continue to desecrate the bedroom that I've spend the last few days fixing up? I _get_ that you hate it and it's too gay for you but at least talk to me about it."

Finn panted due to his rage and threw his hands up. "What more is there to say?"

Kurt calmed slightly. "Okay, Finn, it's common knowledge that I have…feelings for you. Feelings which you were perfectly okay to take advantage of whenever you needed me. Rachel had Jesse and you aren't speaking to Puck. You need _someone_ to vent to about Quinn, so the onus falls on me, correct?

"You knew all along but you feigned ignorance until the very last moment, now, when you decided to use _that_ word in the one place where I'm supposed to feel safe!"

Finn shook his head. "Don't play the vulnerable card! You're more than capable of handling a few words!"

Kurt laughed. Like, actually laughed. A searing cackle which actually scared Finn somewhat. "Are you serious? If I reacted to the jocks in accordance to how I actually _feel_ , I'd have been treated even worse than ever. Would you like to know the reality to sooth your ignorance?"

Finn shuffled, realising that he had no point in this.

"Every single word _hurts_ , Finn. To the point where I don't know if it's just easier to give up altogether! To stop kidding myself into thinking that I'll ever be happy because god forbid I go a day without something telling me how disgusting I am or that I should have been aborted by my late mother because it would have saved everyone the displeasure of having to be around me!

"Every single locker shove bruises me. Every dumpster dive causes orthopaedic problems. My weekly dry cleaning bill is triple the amount is usually is because of slushies. Do you know how many therapy hours I've had since starting high school. And not just with Miss Pillsbury? With an actual $150 an hour therapist? More than I care to admit. So, to you, I can handle a few words because it saves me from being tortured more than I already am. On the inside, it hurts."

"Dude, I—."

" _No_!" Kurt snapped. "You do _not_ get to speak right now! And don't call me 'dude'. The reality is that you need to think about how people feel. You do not get to be the poor straight boy who was victim to a predatory gay because you're _not_. And I am not predatory. Sure, I've looked at you from afar with lust in my eyes, but haven't you done that to Quinn, Rachel _and_ Santana? You seriously think that I'm going to molest you if you walk into the room naked?"

"Answer me."

Finn stumbled out of his daze, blinking rapidly. "What else am I supposed to think?"

"That I'm enough of a person to _not_. That's rape, Finn. You think that I have it in me to _rape_ you?"

"Now that you put it that way…"

"Exactly. I'm glad you think that I'm not a total monster. And, for the record, if you were to walk in here without any clothes in, I would probably recoil and cover my eyes. Not because the sight would be horrible, but because I'm not ready for any of that. Even if you were gay and into me, I would not do any of that stuff with you. Because I'm not ready. So, if it makes you feel better, continue to wear your underwear in the shower."

Finn looked awkwardly at the floor.

"Just tell me one thing? If your mother had married Santana's father and you moved in with her. Would you put your underwear on in the shower?"

"No."

"Because you wouldn't want her to see you naked?"

"Yeah."

"So not because you think she would want to take advantage of you?"

"No, Santana wouldn't do that."

"But I would?"

No response.

"I see. Well, I'll trash all of this stuff tomorrow. I'm too tired to do it today. You can have the room. There's a couch in the study. I'll stay there."

"Kurt, you don't have to—."

"Oh, but apparently I do. Because if I continue to live in my own room, I get accused of having all the credentials of a rapist. I'll just grab my Gaga outfit and be on my way. I can share my dad's bathroom."

Kurt swept out of the room, leaving Finn to stand there thinking about what had just happened and how he could make it right.


	22. First Times

“Blaine, stop!”

Blaine pushed against his body, his back hitting the seat. His foot connected with Blaine’s shoulder and he stumbled backwards, screaming. “Ow! Christ, Kurt! What the fuck?”

“What the hell are you doing?”

Blaine slapped his hands against his sides and pointed them towards the sky. “I don’t know, Kurt! I’m just trying to have fun! You know, be more adventurous? Like we talked about! Isn’t that why we came here tonight?”

Kurt scoffed, rising from the car and screwing up his face. “Blaine, I did not come to Scandals for _any_ of this! I didn’t come here tonight to watch you to grind with Sebastian all night while I sat at the bar and hoped that you would want to spend some time with the guy who is _actually_ your boyfriend. I did not come here tonight for you to force yourself on me in my car!”

Blaine gritted his teeth, fists clenched. “So why _did_ you come?”

“Honestly?”

“That would help,” Blaine spat.

“Because I’m losing you, Blaine. Sebastian is clearly the one that you want and I’ve only met the guy twice. Look at him Who wouldn’t pick him over me? So I thought that I would try to hold onto you for as long as I could before you went to him. My bad for thinking it would actually work. You clearly just want to get laid. God, everybody’s obsessed with having sex this week! You, Rachel…”

Blaine sighed, the alcohol buzzing around his brain. “We _need_ to do this, Kurt.”

Kurt scowled. “No, we don’t _need_ to do anything! I want to go there with you, Blaine. I do. But not in the back of my car and not if you’re not in this one hundred percent. If there’s even a part of you that wants Sebastian, this isn’t happening. And I’d rather not have to fight you off in my backseat for the time being. So what’s it going to be Blaine?”

“Kurt, I understand. I’m sorry. But this needs to happen before opening night or I—.”

“What the hell does this have to do with…oh. I get it now.”

“Kurt—.”

“No. Don’t try to back your way out of this. I’m familiar with the musical, Blaine. Very familiar. And I want to take a guess at something. My theory is that Artie was giving you and Rachel constructive criticism about your performances during the more intimate scenes between Tony and Maria. And that is why Rachel’s currently seducing Finn at my house. And that it why you’ve decided to become sexually hungry and take it upon yourself to want to _fuck_ me like a whore in the backseat of my car! How close am I?”

Blaine mumbled something but Kurt didn’t quite hear it. He took that as a ‘that’s exactly what happened’ mumble.

“That’s disgusting of you. You know, plenty of actors play roles that they have no experience with. Gay actors play straight characters without having even kissed a girl. Yet they don’t just pick a girl to kiss to know what it feels like! I’m definitely talking to Artie about this. How dare he make it personal and interfere in what we have?”

“I want to do it, Kurt!”

“Well, you know what? Sebastian’s still in there. He’d definitely be up for showing you what it means to have sex. I won’t be even _touching_ you tonight. It’s your choice. But if you back into that club to find Sebastian, we’re over! I can’t be constantly playing second fiddle to Sebastian all the time. I want this to work with you, Blaine, but I refuse to be used for sex. And you should keep it in your head that ‘no’ means ‘no’ and that alcohol is not an excuse for rape!”

“Jesus, Kurt, I didn’t _rape_ you.”

“It’s a good job that I’ve got one hell of a kick. You certainly were in no position to be letting up. I said ‘no’ and that means that you _stop_. So I’m getting in my car and setting a timer. If you’re not in the passenger seat in fifty seconds, I’m leaving and breaking up with you. If you are, we can give this another shot. You need to choose.”

Kurt climbed into the driver’s seat, fingers tapping at his phone and he set the timer.

Fifty seconds went by and there was no sign of Blaine. Kurt sighed and felt a tear slip down his face. He figured that Blaine had gone back inside. Well, that was that. Kurt had given him an ultimatum and he had chosen the right decision for him. That was that. As he stopped the alarm on his phone, he quickly dialled Finn’s number, praying that he wasn’t on top of Rachel and that he could provide some modicum of comfort.

“Finn?” Kurt sniffled.

“Hey, Kurt. Aren’t you out with Blaine?”

“I broke up with him. I’ll explain later, but is Rachel still at ours?”

Finn sighed. “No. I told her to leave. I’ll explain when you’re home. I’ll get the ice cream ready, little brother.”

“Thank you, Finn. I’ll see you in a half hour.”

Kurt drove away into the night, flashes of Blaine and Sebastian bumping and grinding together in his head. He banished them, at least until he was no longer driving and realised that if Blaine didn’t have the sense to choose him, he was better off without.

Though it would take him quite a while to truly believe it.


	23. Lonely Hearts Will Murder You

Santana drummed her fingers against the table, waiting for what would probably be the greatest show of her life. She would provide back up if needed but somehow she didn’t think it was necessary. Kurt had this under control. He certainly had enough material to cover.

“Blaine!”

Santana smirked. Oh, it was _so_ on.

“Hey, Kurt!” Blaine grinned. “Great idea choosing to perform here!”

“Yes, it was,” Kurt snapped, “precisely that. _My_ idea. I asked Wes about song selection and he said that I was obligated to choose it considering it was not a competition and _I_ and I alone was organising it. Then I’m commending ten minutes before the start of the set about my decision to let you sing _Silly Love Songs_. And, funnily enough, Blaine that was news to me! I had no idea you were singing that. So this led to me to my only logical conclusion.”

Santana held her breath as she saw everybody staring. The Warblers, The New Directions and the patrons of Breadstix

“You were so unbelievably arrogant and self-assured that you went behind my back and lied to the Council and led them to believe that I had chosen you as the soloist for the non-competition numbers as well! I had already prepared a number that didn’t actually include the Warblers. Santana and Mercedes were going to provide backup. But then I find out that you’ve shoehorned yourself into the position as default soloist and it makes me laugh a lot, Blaine.

“I understand that show choirs work well with a lead soloist, just look at Vocal Adrenaline, they win a lot of competitions with one singer. But the Warblers aren’t soulless automatons. We have soul and _heart_. For you to _assume_ that you’re the most talented singer in each song makes you a fool. I know very well that if Jeff and Nick were to duet on that song, it would’ve been miles better. Your hubris is shocking, Blaine, and singing on every song makes you bland.”

Blaine gaped at Kurt’s spiel. “Kurt, you’re being very rude.”

Santana coughed. “Listen up, bitch boy. Princess Peach over here has just spilled the truth all over this restaurant and if you’re too closed-minded to see it, well then that’s on you. While he’s at it, I’d like to focus on your abhorrent eyebrows.”

Blaine slapped a hand over his eyebrows. Kurt chuckled.

“Well pointed out, Santana, but there’s a time and a place for everything. Like just before Regionals to destroy his confidence.”

Wes gasped dramatically and Blaine looked aghast.

“You wouldn’t do that, Kurt!”

Kurt smirked. “Watch me. Just because I technically won’t be allowed in the dressing room doesn’t mean that I can’t get in there.”

Blaine frowned.

“Oh yeah, I am no longer a Warbler. Thad was going to tell you all during the next rehearsal but I think it’s more couth if I do myself. As of next Monday, I’ll be a McKinley student again. Karofsky has been neutralised by a determined Sue Sylvester and I have more ammo against him that he would like.”

“Kurt, this isn’t you. You’re not this person.”

Santana rolled her eyes. “Oh, but he is, you just haven’t allowed him to be. Your stupid uniform and obsession with tradition have made my boy dull as fuck. Sorry, Lady, but it’s true.” She smiled at Kurt who waved her on.

“Hogwarts may not realise this, but McKinley sure does. Kurt Hummel is the most talented person I’ve ever met. And it’s difficult for me to say, because he fucking knows it. But one thing he’s not is rude. He’s bitchy, sure, but it’s epic and there’s a difference. Kurt doesn’t say things unless they’re warranted. He won’t insult someone unless they’ve made the first move. He doesn’t speak out unless he feels he needs to. Clearly you’ve made an epic fuck up and he needs to sweep you under the carpet and forget about you.

“Oh and your rebuttal of his feelings on fucking Valentine’s Day was cold, bitch. Not being good at romance? That’s bullshit.”

“You did serenade someone, Blaine,” Thad pointed out.

Kurt smiled. “But it _was_ with a Robin Thicke song. That barely counts. Plus, nobody enjoyed the sex toy reference. Now do all of your Warblers see why I should pick the songs?”

Blaine’s eyes darkened as he saw his future spotlight being taken away from him. “Well what would you have done to serenade someone?”

Kurt looked at Santana, unsure and she nodded.

“Well, Blaine, it just so happens that there was someone who I left behind at McKinley who I never really got over. My feelings for you were born out of disillusion and I’m over that already. As soon as I saw you without the rose-tinted glasses, I was _done_. So there’s gesture I need to make and I hope this person accepts it. Santana, let’s go.”

Kurt cleared the Warblers from the stage and tapped the microphone. “As you probably heard, this song has a dedication, a very special one. But if you all knew who it was, I’m not sure it’d work as well. Plus, the Kurtana motto involves always keeping people guessing. To this person, I’m sorry and I hope you’ll consider the possibility of _us_ this Valentine’s Day.”

_I never was the kind of girl,_   
_That's naturally sure when it comes to love, oh no!_   
_I was insecure, insecure._   
_But when it comes to you and me,_   
_I can't deny this feeling inside, oh no!_   
_I never felt like this before, this before._   
_No, no, no._

_(Ohhhh) I'm seeing all the signs from above._   
_(Ohhhh) I'm gonna be the one that he loves,_   
_I was made for loving him._   
_The fashion of his love. Oh yeah!_

_(Ohhhh) I'm gonna be his first and last kiss._   
_(Ohh) 'Cause honey I was born to be his._   
_I was made for loving him._   
_The fashion of his love._

_You know that I'd never cheat on a man._   
_'Cause I'm not like that._   
_I'm physically crafted to be_   
_As fitting as McQueen._

_But when it comes to clothing, I'm bad._   
_I'm fashionably just designed to be rad._   
_Oh and he's no accessory to me._   
_No, no, no._

_No, I just can't seem to forget you_   
_No I can't for just as long as I met you._   
_You're my babe, right through._   
_I was made for you (made for you)._

_(Ohhhh) I'm seeing all the signs from above._   
_(Ohhhh) I'm gonna be the one that he loves,_   
_I was made for loving him._   
_The fashion of his love. Oh yeah!_

_(Ohhhh) I'm gonna be his first and last kiss._   
_(Ohh) 'Cause honey I was born to be his._   
_I was made for loving him._   
_The fashion of his love._

_They say I need a strong man, not just a friend_   
_But baby, my search is done._   
_No longer reason to pry or to justify,_   
_How I feel for you, my love._

_I'm seeing all the signs from above._   
_I'm gonna be the one that he loves,_   
_I was made for loving him. Oh yeaah!_

_(Ohhhh) I'm seeing all the signs from above._   
_(Ohhhh) I'm gonna be the one that he loves,_   
_I was made for loving him._   
_The fashion of his love. Oh yeah!_

_(Ohhhh) I'm gonna be his first and last kiss._   
_(Ohh) 'Cause honey I was born to be his._   
_I was made for loving him._   
_The fashion of his love._

_(Ohhhh) I'm gonna be his first and last kiss._   
_(Ohh) 'Cause honey I was born to be his._   
_I was made for loving him._   
_The fashion of his love._

With Santana providing back up, and Brittany and Tina joining in halfway through, the performance was a lot more successful than Blaine’s attempt at love. Kurt shrugged at the loud applause; you could never truly go wrong with Lady Gaga.

“Oh and Blaine? _That_ is how you serenade someone.”

Blaine’s bottom lip quivered and the Warblers filed out, some of them stopping to chat to Kurt and give their surprised farewells, promising that they would let someone else sing at Regionals. Wes, Jeff, Thad, David, Nick and Calvin gave him their numbers and vowed to text him regularly. Kurt smiled as they all left.

As the New Directions assembled around one table, Kurt was being bugged about who the song was about and applauded for his derailment of Blaine.

“Well, I couldn’t have done it without my right-hand Latina.”

Santana’s lips curled. “I’m sure this Latina would enjoy your right hand immensely.”

They all laughed (Finn faked vomiting) and Kurt felt a leg rub against his. His eyes flickered over to the other side of the table. He smiled.

“You still sound like Faith Hill.”


	24. Overstepping

The doors of Dalton Academy's choir room flew open at the express force of Kurt Hummel. To say the new Dalton student was pissed was a gross lexical injustice. Never had he been so angry at Blaine before. Sure, there was the whole Karofsky confrontation which Kurt hadn't really agreed to but that was his role as a concerned acquaintance.

His latest move was simply an act to further their chances at Regionals and he had submerged himself in Kurt's personal life more so than ever before. Kissing Rachel fucking Berry was one thing, but driving to Lima _just_ to talk to his father about how he was poorly educated about sex was a whole different can of worms. And Kurt was going to pop open the aforementioned can of worms all over Blaine's head.

Everybody looked up at the same time. Only a certain few knew about a particular look on Kurt's usually passive face. Wes and Jeff being two of them, they dipped their heads and just waited for the impending confrontation. Somehow, every single person in the room knew who it was directed at. Apart from the very person it was directed at.

"Blaine Anderson, you _will_ look at me when I'm speaking to you!"

Everybody at Dalton knew that when Kurt Hummel demanded something from you, you _do_ it. Especially when he used his diva bitch tone that supposedly turned the most ferocious of lions into a barely mewling kitten. But that was just an old urban legend. The Warblers were about to witness firsthand the proficiency of Kurt Hummel's wrath.

Blaine, unsurprisingly, looked up. That he hadn't noticed Kurt's tone, apparently, because a knowing smile stretched across his face. "Hey, Kurt! Did you dad talk to you? I think I helped a lot, because I know you wouldn't have gone looking yourself and I—."

" _Hush_ ," Kurt snapped, actually gesturing the action with his hand. Blaine fell silent as though struck by magic. Maybe he was, nobody would know. "I think that you have done enough talking for the time being. Now you're going to shut up and listen while I outline why you're such a _fucking_ imbecile."

One of the pettier Warblers snickered.

"Kurt, we're in rehearsal?"

Kurt waved his hand. "Oh, do forgive me. Warblers, if I may?"

Everybody shrugged and let him talk.

"Outstanding. Where was I? Oh, yes. The abhorrent trainwreck that is Blaine Anderson. The next time you decide to pay a visit to my sole remaining parent to basically tell him that while we have a good bond, you don't think he's quite capable of fully parenting me, _think again._ Also, when you try and pretend like the rest of us actually have something meaningful to rehearse, it just comes across as patronising. I would talk about how you don't _really_ deserve the competition lead, but that is an entirely different can of worms.

"You need educating, Blaine. Even though you think I'm the one who needs it, it's you. You have no respect and no boundaries. You massively overstepped them and I find it absolute conceited of you. You just think that because you think something should be a certain way, that everybody else thinks the same. Well, I have some news for you, Blaine. The world doesn't turn because you tell it to!"

Kurt smirked as Jeff began to nod in time with his points. He had not foreseen that the other Warblers would ever express their issues with Blaine, even if it wasn't vocally.

"This is kinda uncalled for, Kurt."

Kurt's face hardened and his fists clenched, nails digging into his skin almost hard enough to draw blood.

Jeff gaped. "Oh, you did _not_."

Kurt's eyes flickered to Jeff's before returning to meet Blaine's, a dangerous glint in his eye. "Now I _know_ you're an absolute hypocrite. I bet you think you're my _hero_ because you sought out my dad on your own initiative because you wanted to be the one that did my talking for me. Despite what you think, I'm not a helpless puppy. And you're certainly not in a position to be doing anything for me. You're not my father, you're not my boyfriend and you're certainly not my friend if you think what you did was respectful or even the slightest bit helpful."

Blaine frowned. "Kurt, of course we're friends."

"I don't think so," Kurt snapped, "because friends don't go behind friends' backs and suggest to their fathers that they are parenting their child correctly. How would have liked it if I walked up to your father and told him that you don't know the slightest thing about sex?"

Blaine winced at the bluntness. "I would be angry at you."

Kurt snorted and burst into laughter. Actual laughter. It was sort of maniacal, actually. "So if I did it to you, it would have been overstepping, but you doing it to me is what? Okay? Respectful? Double standards, Blaine. You're all about them and it's not going to be tolerated by me anymore. You've fucked up recently more times than I care to count. First, you kiss one of my best friends, who is a _girl_. Then you compare me to the psychotic freak who chased me out of McKinley. Then you act like I'm biphobic even though you _know_ that I don't understand it. I've never met somebody who is bisexual before, so I don't have the information to learn about it firsthand. Though I suppose you're just going to talk to my father about that, aren't you?"

"No."

"Ah! A modicum of decency. Shame it's too late. But I'm not done discussing your shortcomings. Despite your obvious height discrepancy, of course. Let me think…oh yes, here we are. You actually thought it was kind to approach me about how you thought my sexy faces were the equivalent to me having gas pains. Who the fuck says that?"

Jeff took this time to interject. "Dude, that's awful. And so, so wrong. Kurt is hot as fuck."

Kurt hadn't actually seen that one coming, but decided to deal with it at a later date. "You see, Blaine. Even your supposed friends have an issue with what you're doing. So when your next friend comes along, you shouldn't repeat your previous mistakes. Though that might not be enough to convince them that you're not a egomaniacal prick. Warblers, I understand that Regionals is fast approaching, but my doo-wopping is already stellar from Sectionals. You don't really need me in this rehearsal. I apologise for the interjection."

Kurt turned swiftly, glaring daggers at Blaine, before strutting from the choir room.

"Hey Kurt, wait up!"

Kurt slowed down and waited for Jeff to approach.

"Hello, Jeffrey."

"You know I hate my full forename."

"Apologies. Continue."

"I wanted you to know that you were right about everything in there. Blaine gets way too much credit and I'm glad somebody else sees that. How he's treated you is not okay. Oh, and for the record, you do know someone who's bisexual and totally into you."

Kurt nodded, understanding immediately. "I see. I could definitely have worse admirers. Your honesty is most refreshing, Jeff."

"Well then, while I'm at it, I don't suppose you'd want to get coffee sometime?"

"As long as it's not The Lima Bean, I'm up for that."

Jeff shook his head. "Absolutely not. I only drink Starbucks."

Kurt opened his hand and offered it to Jeff. "Walk with me."

Jeff took his hand and, together, they boycotted the rest of the week's rehearsal, learning more about each other and bitching about Blaine in the process.

Kurt considered that pretty much a win-win.


	25. Creep

All throughout the day, Kurt had sensed a presence behind him. McKinley had made him into a more cautious person, so obviously he turned around to check who it was. Each time, he saw nothing out of the ordinary, something which confused him.

Karofsky was no longer attending the school, which put more of a spring in Kurt’s step. After his expulsion, the other jocks had seemingly fallen in line under Coach Sylvester’s old regime, even though she was no longer the Principal. She was still as formidable as ever, something which deterred the usually pig-headed jocks from tormenting Kurt which he was inordinately glad about.

Still, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was being watched.

He took a chance while walking to Glee Club with Tina. He turned around, startling the girl, and then he saw the thing that had been bothering him for the entire day.

“JBI.”

The boy tried to duck out of the way, but he was immensely conspicuous, especially with the dwindling numbers of students in the hallways just after the last bell had chimed out its glorious notes.

“Have you been following me _all_ day?”

Tina frowned. “That’s creepy.”

Jacob’s eyes widened considerably. “I…I got a tip off about the real reason why Karofsky was expelled. I thought you might know some more about the whole ordeal.”

Kurt sighed. “Let me tell you something, you _creep_ , and you had better listen the fuck up. This is not the Boston Globe. You are not part of the Spotlight team. You are a sad, pathetic junior in high school who writes a blog that nobody even _looks_ at. You’re hopelessly infatuated with Rachel Berry, a fact which would ordinarily shake me to me very core, but the fact that it’s _you_ repulses me even more so, something which is very hard to do. I have a strong stomach, Ben Israel, but the sight of you and your two-sizes-too-small polo shirts that have been saturated with sweat makes me want to empty the contents of my stomach into the nearest garbage receptacle.

“You need to learn that people do not care whether you write your gossip blog or _not_. And I would rather you ask me for an interview rather than following me around hoping that you could get some shred of information about something I know absolutely nothing about! I have no interest in talking to wannabe journalists with no self-respect and no sense of boundaries.”

“Rumour has it that you professed your undying love with Dave Karofsky, forcing him to move out the state under the guise of expulsion to save the eternal embarrassment of receiving your feelings.”

Kurt paused for a second before tipping his head back and cackling loudly.

Jacob frowned.

“Do you honestly think that I have completely gone and lost my mind? David Karofsky, during his time here and during middle school, was my worst bully. I’m a very smart man, Ben Israel, I’m not about to let myself have feelings for the most despicable person I’ve ever met in my entire life. And for you to even suggest that is extremely annoying and I will not accept it.

“It’s time that you took stock of what’s going on around you. Let me tell you before you think that you’re more important than you actually are.”

Tina chuckled in the background.

“That camera and that notepad you carry around do not make you special. Your actions and the way that you treat people are the things that you’re judged by. You’ve been following me around all day just to confirm some stupid rumours you heard around this godforsaken cesspool! That doesn’t make you a good person. You’re like Perez Hilton; spreading gossip just for the sake of gossip! You have no idea how these things affect people. Now if you want a fucking story, go and talk to Karofsky, instead of harassing me about things that I don’t know anything about!”

“So I’ll just write no comment?” JBI asked.

Kurt was seething. “No you will _not_! You will write nothing. Or I can repeat my various diatribes to you so that you can transcribe them if that most pleases you. I know that if you write ‘no comment’, you’ll leave the implication that I was hiding something and that is not what happened. It’s a pity that your camera is turned off right now or else you could have recorded this conversation and let the entire world know just how much of a creep you are!

“Oh and if you _ever_ demand a pair of a woman’s underwear in exchange for your journalistic silence, I will not hesitate to make sure that you will never be able to even _think_ about walking again, do you hear me?”

Jacob nodded, terrified.

“You _will_ apologise to Rachel and stop being such a fucking pervert towards her. She doesn’t want you and she never will. She’s happily dating my brother, now leave it _alone_. Oh, and all of this?

“Off the record.”


	26. Cracked Cesspool

“If he sings with you, I guarantee he’ll take so much crap, he’ll have to quit Glee Club. Your call, dude.”

Kurt dropped his tray. It clanged loudly against the metal, alarming Finn and making him jump.

“This is all very interesting, Finn. Very interesting.”

Finn rolled his eyes. “Not here, dude. Let’s just go to the choir room or something, okay? Where you calm down.”

Kurt smiled. “I’m perfect calm. I shouldn’t be, considering everything that you’ve just said to me.”

“I’m being reasonable with you, man. Think about Sam in all of this. It’s not fair to him.”

“What’s not _fair_ is you equalling me to a stalker and a sexual predator. I had a crush, Finn, it happens. You’re telling me you never acted lustfully towards someone you were crushing on? Not Rachel? Not Quinn? Not Santana?”

Finn opened his mouth to speak but no words came out.

“Exactly. You won’t outright say it, but you _know_. You know that deep down, this is all just you and your homophobia, Finn. I spoke to Sam about singing a duet and he’s fine with it. He actually suggested some good choices for us. So it’s you and the fact that you’re uncomfortable with me singing with a guy. You spoke for Sam and you were _wrong_.”

“You don’t understand.”

Kurt chuckled. “No, Finn. _You_ don’t understand. I like Sam. He’s nice to me when most guys aren’t. He doesn’t judge him and he _listens_. We’re friends. I’m not going to try and convert him, I’m not going to advance upon him in a predatory way. I’m going to talk to him and laugh at his jokes. Like friends do.”

“But you’re crushing on him like you did with me!”

Kurt folded his arms, his voice getting slightly louder. “Where is your proof? So you saw us talking once? Big deal, I talk to a lot of people each day. So do you. This is all about the fact that you don’t want to see two boys singing a song together, especially not when one of them is gay and used to have feelings for you. You and Puck can do duets, you and Artie, any other combination can do duets. Why is the rule different for me, Finn?”

Finn fidgeted. “We don’t sing love songs with each other.”

“Who says Sam and I are singing a love song? Assumptions again, Finn. They don’t help anybody. Least of all you.”

“We need Sam in Glee, Kurt. I don’t want this to drive him away.”

Kurt sighed, tipping his head back in laughter. “The only thing that’s going to drive him away is your poisonous attitude towards human emotions. Maybe you haven’t properly dealt with your internalised homophobia and whatever happened in the basement last year, but you need to, Finn. Times are changing and you need to choose what side you’re going to stand on when it does. Wait a second. I’m sorry.”

Finn began to smile, but Kurt’s glare made it fade away.

“Should I even be standing this close to you? The restraining order is like fifty feet, yeah?”

“Keep your voice down, I didn’t actually get a restraining order, I said that if I’d have—.”

“Yeah I know what you said, Finn,” Kurt smirked, getting louder. “You said that if you’d have acted that way towards a girl, she would have taken out a restraining order. So my question is…why haven’t they? Why hasn’t Quinn for all the times you objectified her and made her feel uncomfortable? Why haven’t all of the Cheerios for the times that you and Puckerman peeped into the girls’ locker room? Because you’re overreacting, that’s why! You can’t handle your own prejudice, Finn.

“And sure I might have done some things that seemed questionable, but that’s nothing compared to what you guys get away with. I never made a move on you, I never forced you into anything. And here you are acting like I tried to molest you or something. What’s your deal, Finn?”

Finn looked around. All of the eyes in the cafeteria were on him. He didn’t like that, he had a reputation to uphold, after all. “Can we just do this later?”

“Why? So you can be a homophobic asshole without everybody knowing about it? Without Rachel finding out that you’d find her two dads singing together unnerving? Tough shit, Finn, we’re dealing with this right now. You don’t get to bully me into making decisions that you think are in my best interest. And for you to say that I don’t care about the Glee Club if I sing with a boy is way out of line. Even further, for you to suggest that I’m putting Sam in physical danger just by singing a song with him? That’s preposterous. Who would even know about it?”

Finn frowned. “Now that you’ve announced it? Well, everyone.”

Kurt threw his hands up. “These people don’t care about Glee Club. They care about nothing but themselves and maybe Ryan Gosling. The point is that it’s a private rehearsal. The only people that would’ve seen Sam and I singing together would be the Glee Club. I don’t think anybody in Glee would target Sam and make him quit Glee because we sang together. Or were you just worried that we’d win and go to Breadstix together?”

Finn accepted his lecture and nodded.

“Friends have dinner together. I often have dinner with Santana and Mercedes. Quinn joins sometimes. I have a standing appointment for lunch with Brittany every Saturday afternoon. Why should Sam be any different? Because he’s a boy and I like boys? In case you haven’t noticed, Sam likes girls. So that wouldn’t be a problem.”

“You could still crush on him.”

“Oh, Finn, that’s not the issue. Not every guy I crush on is going to overreact like you did. And one day I’m going to find a guy who _is_ gay and does want to date me. And as my almost probably step-brother, you’re going to have to accept that.”

Kurt turned on his heel and left the cafeteria, ignoring his lunch, too angry to eat. As he stalked down the corridor, he saw a familiar, pleasant smile just above him that calmed him down right away.

“Hey, I was thinking about doing something by _The Civil Wars_ for our duet. I know it’s a little folksy, but we could arrange it to suit both of our styles? What do you think?”

Kurt grinned and leaned into Sam’s arm. “Let’s just say I can’t wait for our first date at Breadstix.”

Sam beamed back at him. “Not the place I would’ve taken you, but it’s a free meal and unlimited breadsticks, so who can say no to that?”

Kurt patted his bicep lightly. “That’s my boy.”


	27. Blainofsky

“...it’s someone you know,”

_Please don’t say Sebastian Smythe. Please don’t say Sebastian Smythe._

“Kurt!”

Kurt looked up, the grinning face of David Karofsky looming over him. Flashes of junior year entered his mind as he forced himself to calm down. _You’re not in high school anymore, Kurt_.

“Karofsky.” He tried to make his voice sound warm, but it just was not happening.

Blaine smiled at him. “I...know this is going to be hard, but—.”

“Blaine, could I see you privately for a second?” Kurt swallowed his scorn.

Blaine shrugged. “I mean, whatever you have to say to me you can say in front of Dave, we have a really good policy about trust.”

Kurt knocked back the tequila shot he had ordered minutes earlier and smirked. “Perfect.”

Blaine fidgeted in his seat slightly. He knew this was going to be bad.

“What the fuck are you doing, Blaine? Karofsky? Really? I never believed you capable of being so _stupid_. You’re...it’s okay, you know what you’re doing, you probably have a really good reason for this, right? Beyond making me look like a fool?”

“We like each other. We’re dating,” Blaine shrugged helplessly.

“Isn’t that nice? My ex-fiancé and my ex-bully kindling a romance off the back of screwing me over. How _charming_ and what a wonderful story for the grandkids!”

“Kurt,” Karofsky tried, but Blaine just shook his head.

“You don’t get to talk to me right now,” Kurt held up a finger, still maintaining eye contact with Blaine. “God, I feel stupid.”

“This _is_ a little embarrassing, Kurt,” Blaine muttered.

“Not for the reasons you think. I must have been out of my mind coming back here to try and win you back. Like you’re some prize that I need in my life. Clearly you’re as backwards as everybody else in the godforsaken town if you’re shacking up with this monster.”

“You forgave him for everything.”

“But I never forgot. Both of you have slighted beyond what I was able to deal with. You,” Kurt said, looking to Karofsky, “sexually assaulted me, threatened to kill me and stalked me, not to mention every single time you shoved me into a locker and every slur you could hurl at my back as I walked away.”

“Kurt, that was high school,” Blaine rushed.

“ _You_ ,” Kurt spat, “also attempted to sexually assault me, as well as cheat on me, belittle me and try to turn all my friends against me after constantly denying me everything that I wanted from that relationship.

“So yes, I forgave both of you for the things that you did, because that _was_ high school as you so kindly reminded me. But people don’t change, despite what both of you desperately hope. They simply grow, maintaining the small parts of their personality that maybe they don’t like very much. Especially you two. Karofsky, you’re still that petty, violent, shrivelled up moron that you were in high school. Blaine, you’re still self-centred, arrogant and whiny and I’m not sure that’s ever going to change.

“But the two of you _together_. That goes past repugnant. I assume because your trust policy is so very efficient, you know what you used to think of each other way back when.”

Blaine’s eyes flickered to Karofsky.

Karofsky’s eyes flickered to Blaine, jaw clenched.

“So this is going to be fun,” Kurt smirked. “Let’s start with you, Karofsky.”

He chuckled. “You once said that Blaine never deserved me, because he was rude, entitled, selfish and not nearly as attractive or talented as he thought he was. You were actually pretty right on the money for what it’s worth. You also called him a bumbling idiot who needed to take off the rose-tinted glasses and see the world for what it really was: not always about him.

“Karofsky, Blaine called you a psychopath monster who deserved to die alone because bad things deserve to happen to truly bad people. I believe I’m verbatim on that. Blaine?”

Blaine pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes. “You’re a really hateful person, you know that? I thought we could all be mature about this, but clearly you’re the one who hasn’t changed. You’re still the same petulant child you always were. Does this make you happy, Kurt? Bringing everybody else down? Does it?”

Kurt laughed. “Oh, I’ve changed. You’re just mad because I changed too much and outgrew you and all of your infantile musings. I’ve had just about enough of your stupidity, that goes for both of you, in fact.”

He turned to the bartender. “Tequila, please.

“So I think I’m going to leave you both to suffer with each other. Try not to dwell on the fact that you’re both together because neither of you could successfully attain and hold onto the greatest thing that ever walked into your sorry little lives. Gorilla costumes and encouraging mantras are not quite the way to go in trying to woo Kurt Hummel. So thank you, Blaine, for proving to me that I was right all along. You truly are the _dumbest_ person I’ve ever met. And you, Karofsky, well I really have nothing to say to you, I just want to forget that you exist completely. You both disgust me.”

He turned to the bartender and knocked back his tequila shot.

“They’ll pay for my drinks.”

Kurt waggled his fingers to wave goodbye and strutted from the bar, satisfied with his inevitable verbal retribution to his high school ghosts, the fact that he was well and truly done with Blaine Anderson, and the fact that every single guy in Scandals was ogling his stellar ass as he left the bar.

Blaine and Karofsky could suck it.

_Ew. Visuals._

Kurt shrugged as he pulled an imaginary piece of lint from his patterned jacket.

Maybe being back in Lima wasn’t so bad after all. Sam was still here, after all. He would have amends to make in that department, but he rather thought there was enough lingering feeling to make that work without truly damaging anything.

Lima truly was the place where dreams came to die, but he would be damned if it wasn’t entertaining.


End file.
